[Mitsukai Mizu Amaya]

~Sanctimonia~
A Final Fantasy VII Radioplay
Episode I

I have finally finished episode I of Sanctimonia! Yay! It is available for download here:
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=DPGLLEO2

If there is another site anyone wishes me to upload it do, I will try to upload it there as well. On Sunday I will add a youtube video of the first episode; cannot do so sooner because of the fact that I have family.... stuff... this weekend. ^^ Enjoy!

CAST LIST

Cloud Strife – LG65
Aerith Gainsborough – LittleMephiles
Tifa Lockhart – JessicaLaura
Jenova (Ancient) – Mitsukai Mizu Amaya
Kadaj – pokedjedservo
Yazoo – splitfocus
Loz – pokedjedservo
Marlene – LittleMephiles
Extras - pokedjedservo(Man)
Denzel - Ragnarok

[LG65]

So... after hearing this, I am ready to give a full critique.

Mixing-wise, it was stellar for the most part. I did find some of the SFX amiss in some areas, but other than that, really well done.

OK. Now onto the acting portion...

LG65 - Cloud Strife

I did pretty well... although after hearing myself, I did find that I know where I have to work on, with respect to pitch and emotion.

LittleMephiles - Aerith Gainsborough & Marlene Wallace

As Aerith, you were really impressive! I can't point out any spots where you may have messed up. However, as Marlene, I did find that the pitch needed to be a bit higher. It needed to be at a point where it's child-like because that's how I would picture Marlene. And I'm pretty sure others would be the same.

JessicaLaura - Tifa Lockhart

Really impressive, J.L.T.! I can't point out some odd spots. I think you fit along the lines of a typical Tifa. Very nicely done.

splitfocus - Yazoo

Nicely done as Yazoo. I did like how you made Yazoo smooth and mysterious, as that's how I would picture him to be.

Pokejedservo - Kadaj, Loz & Man

3 roles in one, Poke. As Kadaj, I wasn't sure if this is how I pictured Kadaj as he is has a much smoother voice like in the English dub of Advent Children. If you can try to make it smooth and your own, it'd be good. As Loz, I think it was OK. I don't really remember how Loz sounded since I last saw Advent Children since forever... but, it was good nonetheless. And the one line as the man was nicely done!

Jenova (Ancient) – Mitsukai Mizu Amaya

Ooh! Creepy. And it was perfect! Just how I pictured Jenova.

This is pretty neat stuff! Can't wait for the next episode!

P.S. Who played Denzel? You forgot to include him in the castlist.

[dragonknighttara]

Not a bad start, but a little bit rocky. From what I could tell this is taking an interesting direction, but having not played the game and knowing of the series through a few dubbed scenes and the Advent Children movie, I was pretty lost.

Granted, as this is a fanfic, there are some things that you don't have to spend a lot of time with - like introducing characters in depth, especially if they're fairly established like Cloud or Aerith. But with any story, it would help if you had started out establishing a setting for the story - what time does it take place in regards to the game, for example, and where are the characters living? What have they been doing? Is there any problems they're dealing with or are things relatively peaceful?

My recommendation as you work on future scripts, would be to listen to a few professional or well established amateur productions to see how other writers handle these issues. Not only in how they introduce their characters, but how they write out action scenes and exposition, while still keeping the story flow and keeping the dialogue light but not bogged down. From what I can tell, learning by example is probably the best way to improve.

Also, try to make sure all the characters are introduced by name as well since there aren't any visuals for us to go by (it took me a few minutes to realize who Cloud was XD), and let the dialogue give us an idea of what is happening, rather than relying completely on sound effects.

There was one scene where Tifa (?) seemed to be running for at least a half a minute and it was just panting and sound effects in the background. It really dragged on and since there was no context to explain such a long sequence, it really bogged down the flow. When the scene changed as soon as she stopped running, it made me wonder why it was important if nothing about it was resolved at the end.

As far as the cast goes, Jessica Laura did very well with Tifa and Pokejedservo stood out as a fairly solid Kadaj. But a lot of the characters sounded A LOT alike and with no visual reference, I think this really made it difficult to really distinguish who was who (especially at the end where I wasn't sure if it was one female characters talking, or two, or even three). This is why I would try to avoid double casting roles, or casting to people with the same voice type. Trying going for unique and dynamic sounds that are different yet compliment each other.

Sound quality was a bit grainy too - I don't know if it was because of my quality or some of the sound effects were better quality than others, but it was a bit annoying to hear when you're trying to pay attention to what's going on.

That aside, with some work, I think you can really make this into a strong radio play, so keep at it and I hope to hear more soon!

[Mitsukai Mizu Amaya]

Wow, thanks for the critiques! I was having some trouble with trying to balance the volume of the background music, vocals, and sound effects.

I'll try to make it easier to know who is who in the later Episodes... most the explaining is actually in the next episode. ^^;;

You thought that running sequence was Tifa? Oh boy... I should have done that scene better. ^^;; I was supposed to be Aerith, running from the Remnants who were shooting the crap out of the forest behind her. I tried to find a good transition for that scene but was having trouble with it. My least favorite part of Episode I was doing that scene >.<

I'm working on the sound quality. For myself, this weekend I'm getting a new mic. It's also hard for me to get white noise out of some of the lines, especially during the times when there is no background music because, let's face it... that covers it up a bit. ^^

Anyway, thank you! I'll definately improve on the next ones!

... did I forget to add Denzel? Oops! I'll do it now!

[LittleMephiles]

WHOA!! We did good! xDDDDD

I got a compliment. o.o

GOOD JOB ENTIRE CAST AND GOOD JOB MITSUKAI.

[JessicaLaura]

I'm interested!!! Can't wait to hear more of the story, the writing is amazing!!!

Mixing, its good, real good for a first radio play the only thing I only really noticed was that you could hear the difference in mic quality. I don't know how to fix that but it might be something to look forward to in the future. So parts did leave you going, what? Might be a good idea to add a narrator? And I do agree that chase scene went on waay to long but other than very very good job. On the plus side I loved some of the effetcs you used with the phone cutting out, or the bouncing between left and right.

As for the acting, everyone was great. I appreciate the comments on my Tifa.. I was actually didn't really feel proud of this performance for some reason.. but everyone had perfect voice types and acting skills.. I won't even break it down because it was all great ^___^

Again can't wait to hear more.

[Mitsukai Mizu Amaya]

Thank you everyone. You don't know how much it means to me to hear that people liked Sanctimonia. I kept revising the script over and over and over again because I didn't like it. Same with Episode's Two's script, actually. XD I must have redone it completely four or five times before I finally sent it out to the actors.

I'll definately take what everyone said into consideration when making the other episodes. I thought the chase scene was a little long too... and the difference in audio quality between VA clips was because I had to boost them each differently and could only remove so much white noise from the ones that had it.

Oh boy... I hope people like this one as much as the other... erm... three I want to eventually do. XD One for every FF ending that made me go ???