FADE~The Story Of Human Instinct~

[Masakura]

I have an idea for a book that came to me over night. I have confidence in it but i want to know what other people think about it before I actually attempt to write a full book. First I will give you a summary of the story and thenn I will introduce the first paragraph or so. I would be very thankful for some feedback. just tell me if you would read it based on the summary. Thanks for your time.

The name of the book is:
FADE~The Story Of Human Instinct~

Introduction


The base of the story takes place on the highest rooftop in Tokyo. Two people are talking up there, looking over the city. The main character is a man called Masashi Akamatsu. He is about 23 years of age and a bit twisted but interesting. He talks to an unspecified woman on the roof for the most part of the story. He seems to be incontrol of the society beneath him.

The theory of the story is that everyone has an aura. There are people in the world, however, that have bigger auras than normal. These people can somewhat determine what their fate is in the world. If they can somehow pull it off, they can kill anyone with smaller auras, or survive something that would otherwise kill them. Auras are the balance of the world basically.

The main plot is that Masashi is telling the tale of people with these big auras. He talks about a person's life on a certain day. He tells the tale of various people's day that somewhat get intertwined into a much bigger and epic plot at the end with a high climax, involving the two figures on the rooftop. Masashi is able to manipulate the story and the destiny of the protaganists. The mystery is how he is doing it or even what he is. What does he want to achieve?


Opening Part of the Story


Fade - To become dim. To lose freshness, vigor, strength and health. To disappear or to die gradually.

He lay there staring at the blue sky, emotionless . The clouds above were stalking him. A sharp grin wiped across his face. He sat up and looked across the society beneath him.
"Humans", he said confidently."I like them. Their way of life interests me. They live without a care in the world. Blind, to what goes on beyond their understanding. I wish I could be them. But unfortunately my life must be torn between fear and violence, knowing what has become of the world.But they will all die someday, and I will live on. It's pitiful watching the weak die". Masashi stood up and the smile withered.

The man who stood there had shady brown hair, blue eyes. He wore black jeans, a grey jumper with a zip collar and whith (white) shoes.

"I haven't heard anyone speak like that before. It's weird coming from someone like you". A shadowy figure stepped from in the darkness. Masashi tilted his head back and glanced at her.

"What are you doing up here?", he said confusingly.

"Do I need a reason?", the woman said,"I heard you were up here and I am interested in what you have to say".

Masashi turned his head back and walked towards the edge of the building." You don't seem hesitant to approach me like this".

The woman gave him an awkward stare. She took a deep breath and said," I wont tell you who, but I here you are the right person to find out about, well, this world. Nothing you are about to say to me is going to shake me from my stance. First, tell me, what your name is". Masashi gave a large smile.

" An interview, hmmmmm. My name is Masashi Akamatsu". He seemed troubled by her strong will." But that doesn't matter to me. That name does not have meaning anymore. Call me what you like, but here I do not have an identity. I am no one, and I don't want to be anyone." The man's hand clenched tightly and turned to her.

"I don' t want to waste my time with this. Lets just get to the fun part. You like stories? Everyone loves stories."

The woman was a bit unenthusiastic at first."S...sure. Do what you will."

Masashi then sat down at the edge. "The story I am about to tell you is happening as we speak. In fact.." he said more confidently," you could say it's happening around us". "This is the perfect example of human instinct.What happens, is up to them. I only set the scene."

[Adam]

I have an idea for a book that came to me over night. I have confidence in it but i want to know what other people think about it before I actually attempt to write a full book. First I will give you a summary of the story and thenn I will introduce the first paragraph or so. I would be very thankful for some feedback. just tell me if you would read it based on the summary. Thanks for your time. FYI- The characters in the story have Japanese names just because they sound cooler that way!

First - Do not hold back writing a story because you want to find out if people will like the premise and read it or not. If you have an idea for a story then just write it. The story will come out better if you just write it for yourself instead of for other people's approval.

Opening Part of the Story


Fade - To become dim. To lose freshness, vigor, strength and health. To disappear or to die gradually.

He lay there staring at the blue sky, emotionaless.The clouds above were stalking him. A sharp grin wiped across his face. He sat up and looked across the society beneath him."Humans", he said confidently."I like them. Their way of life interests me. They live without a care in the world. Blind, to what goes on beyond their understanding. I wish I could be them. But unfortunately my life must be torn between fear and violence, knowing what has become of the world.But they will all die someday, and I will live on. It's petiful, watching the weak die". Masashi stood up and the smile withered. The man who stood there had shady brown hair, blue eyes. He wore black jeans, a grey jumper with a zip collar and whith shoes.

"I haven't heard anyone speak like that before. It's weird coming from someone like you". A shadowy figure stepped from in the darkness. Masashi tilted his head back and glanced at her."What are you doing up here?", he said confusingly."Do I need a reason?", the woman said,"I heard you were up here and I am interested in what you have to say". Masashi turned his head back and walked towards the edge of the building." You don't seem hesitant to approach me like this". The woman gave him an awkward stare. She took a deep breath and said," I wont tell you who, but I here you are the right person to find out about, well, this world. Nothing you are about to say to me is going to shake me from my stance. First, tell me, what your name is". Masashi gave a large smile." An interview, hmmmmm. My name is Masashi Akamatsu". He seemed troubled by her strong will." But that doesn't matter to me. That name does not have meaning anymore. Call me what you like, but here I do not have an identity. I am no one, and I don't want to be anyone." The man's hand clenched tightly and turned to her.


"I don' t want to waste my time with this. Lets just get to the fun part. You like stories? Everyone loves stories." The woman was a bit unentusiastic at first."S, sure. Do what you will" Masashi then sat down at the edge. "The story I am about to tell you is happening as we speak. In fact.." he said more confidently," you could say it's happening around us". "This is the perfect example of human instinct.What happens, is up to them. I only set the scene."

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Just some writing structure advice. Keep dialogue on its own line out of the paragraph. It's standard format. I'm going to quickly edit and restructure what you've shown. I'm pointing out spelling errors with the correct version in parenthesis.

He lay there staring at the blue sky, emotionaless(emotionless) . The clouds above were stalking him. A sharp grin wiped across his face. He sat up and looked across the society beneath him.
"Humans", he said confidently."I like them. Their way of life interests me. They live without a care in the world. Blind, to what goes on beyond their understanding. I wish I could be them. But unfortunately my life must be torn between fear and violence, knowing what has become of the world.But they will all die someday, and I will live on. It's petiful,(pitiful) watching the weak die". Masashi stood up and the smile withered.

The man who stood there had shady brown hair, blue eyes. He wore black jeans, a grey jumper with a zip collar and whith (white) shoes.

"I haven't heard anyone speak like that before. It's weird coming from someone like you". A shadowy figure stepped from in the darkness. Masashi tilted his head back and glanced at her.

"What are you doing up here?", he said confusingly.

"Do I need a reason?", the woman said,"I heard you were up here and I am interested in what you have to say".

Masashi turned his head back and walked towards the edge of the building." You don't seem hesitant to approach me like this".

The woman gave him an awkward stare. She took a deep breath and said," I wont tell you who, but I here you are the right person to find out about, well, this world. Nothing you are about to say to me is going to shake me from my stance. First, tell me, what your name is". Masashi gave a large smile.

" An interview, hmmmmm. My name is Masashi Akamatsu". He seemed troubled by her strong will." But that doesn't matter to me. That name does not have meaning anymore. Call me what you like, but here I do not have an identity. I am no one, and I don't want to be anyone." The man's hand clenched tightly and turned to her.

"I don' t want to waste my time with this. Lets just get to the fun part. You like stories? Everyone loves stories."

The woman was a bit unentusiastic (unenthusiastic) at first."S...sure. Do what you will."

Masashi then sat down at the edge. "The story I am about to tell you is happening as we speak. In fact.." he said more confidently," you could say it's happening around us". "This is the perfect example of human instinct.What happens, is up to them. I only set the scene."

_________________

As far as the names go, I'll be honest, it's a big pet peeve of mine. A lot of people who are fans of anime and try and make original stories or projects immediately go to using Japanese names regardless of the location/setting. If the story is taking in place in Japan then it's ok, that makes sense. But if the world is not a defined nationality then it makes little to no sense for every character in the story to have Japanese names. Just because you think it sounds cooler doesn't make it a great fit story wise. Mix and match names and nationalities. But if they're all Japanese and the culture is Japanese based then it's fine, otherwise, I'd rethink that.

Writing a novel isn't easy. It's a lot of work and you need to have an idea of where it's going. Have a simple outline where you know how it starts and where it's going to end up. Have the key "fixed plot points" written out so you won't just be writing as you go. This way when it's all said and done the story will flow easier. Also, definitely have someone edit it when it's done, you'll miss a lot of simple mistakes as you're writing it. As the writer you're too caught up in how it's supposed to be and won't see how it actually is. That aside, good luck.

[Masakura]

Thanks man. Thats good advice.