[CLIP] Angel Beats - My Most Precious Treasure

[NicoleM_Animefan]

"My Most Precious Treasure"

I've never actually finished angel beats, but I got the motivation to do this scene after some recent events.
Critiques would be appreciated! (And thank you Amanda Lee for letting me use your beautiful cover!)

CAST
Yuzuru Otonashi: Tsukinokei
Kanade Tachibana: NicoleM

INSERT SONG: "MY MOST PRECIOUS TREASURE"
-Vocals, Lyrics & Mixing by Amanda Lee (LeeandLie)

• • •

Mixing: NicoleM
Script: NicoleM
SFX: SoundSnap, VAA Library, Personal Collection

[Kei]

Otonashi - On the whole, you fit the role well. I can't quite recall how Otonashi sounded originally but it worked with his image so there's no problem with that. A good fit forsure! But I felt like your acting, specifically prior to the crying, came off a little flat to me. It felt too much like an actor reading a script than the character admitting his love for his Angel. Can't really complain on your crying though, the sobs stood out to me.

Kanade - You have a very elegant voice though, personally, I would have gone a little higher but it's not bad by any means! The only thing I can say on your performance is that I wouldn't have minded seeing a boost in emotion towards the end. This is the ending of the series isn't it? I wish you would have showed a bit more sadness in your parting, it almost felt as though the characters feelings weren't mutual. Despite this, nothing stood out as being 'bad' to me. Just some nitpickities.

Now, these two things kind of bothered me a bit so I want to mention them.

"MY MOST PRECIOUS TREASURE" - Amanda Lee can obviously sing, there's is obvious potential here! I had to go listen to some of her stuff, a great voice with some room for improvement with her lyrics! But at like 5:19+ when she screams out the high notes, she really lost it for me. This is sad to me because prior to it, it showed real promise. I'm wondering if it's maybe the actual lyrics that may have worked against her, or the mixing pulled it back, or she just needs to work a bit more on hitting those high notes? I'm not a musician so this is really hard to critique but that bit seemed off to me. I'm sure she can recognize better which of those it is, and I hope she corrects in the future! Too much potential not to!


Finally, I noticed one more issue and I THINK this is mostly with production aspect. Specifically the line: "The warmth and kindness of your heart kept me alive." It may be the script or it may be the delivery but either way it missed the punch. It's the entire shift of emotion in the scene but it doesn't sound like she's being literal. Otonashi reacts so strongly to that line but as a viewer I can't understand why he would understand what she meant, it's just too vague! Did they make mention to the fate of Otonashi's heart PRIOR to this scene? If so, I think you might have been able to rework to make in more accessible to users who aren't familiar with the show.

It's really a nicely mixed scene though! I'd lose the ending credits though =p I know you wanted to keep the song in it, but it would have ended at a nice point.

[hyperknees91]

Nice to see more angel beats clips, kinda died off after awhile xD

Otonashi- The voice works and the crying and yelling was extremely effective. However for the quieter lines, it does feel like they are being delivered in a slightly over-dramatic fashion. A more subtle and less expressive approach would probably suit the scene better. I know your trying to show that what he's saying means a lot to him, but that can be done with a more relaxed delivery. The pacing comes off a bit stilted because of this and the lines don't flow very well into one another. I think it's just one of those scenes you just have to watch the lip flaps and deliver as they go by, otherwise it doesn't come off as natural.

Kanade- A little deep, but the gentleness is still there. I do feel like Otonashi, you're being a little overdramatic with her, which can hurt the believability of the scene. It's not really necessary to project your voice so much unless the emotions call for it (which it did towards the end), it makes your performance come off a little too straightforward otherwise. So yeah with some touching up, it'll be great ^^

[Xephon0930]

Otonashi - On the whole, you fit the role well. I can't quite recall how Otonashi sounded originally but it worked with his image so there's no problem with that. A good fit forsure! But I felt like your acting, specifically prior to the crying, came off a little flat to me. It felt too much like an actor reading a script than the character admitting his love for his Angel. Can't really complain on your crying though, the sobs stood out to me.

Kanade - You have a very elegant voice though, personally, I would have gone a little higher but it's not bad by any means! The only thing I can say on your performance is that I wouldn't have minded seeing a boost in emotion towards the end. This is the ending of the series isn't it? I wish you would have showed a bit more sadness in your parting, it almost felt as though the characters feelings weren't mutual. Despite this, nothing stood out as being 'bad' to me. Just some nitpickities.

Now, these two things kind of bothered me a bit so I want to mention them.

"MY MOST PRECIOUS TREASURE" - Amanda Lee can obviously sing, there's is obvious potential here! I had to go listen to some of her stuff, a great voice with some room for improvement with her lyrics! But at like 5:19+ when she screams out the high notes, she really lost it for me. This is sad to me because prior to it, it showed real promise. I'm wondering if it's maybe the actual lyrics that may have worked against her, or the mixing pulled it back, or she just needs to work a bit more on hitting those high notes? I'm not a musician so this is really hard to critique but that bit seemed off to me. I'm sure she can recognize better which of those it is, and I hope she corrects in the future! Too much potential not to!


Finally, I noticed one more issue and I THINK this is mostly with production aspect. Specifically the line: "The warmth and kindness of your heart kept me alive." It may be the script or it may be the delivery but either way it missed the punch. It's the entire shift of emotion in the scene but it doesn't sound like she's being literal. Otonashi reacts so strongly to that line but as a viewer I can't understand why he would understand what she meant, it's just too vague! Did they make mention to the fate of Otonashi's heart PRIOR to this scene? If so, I think you might have been able to rework to make in more accessible to users who aren't familiar with the show.

It's really a nicely mixed scene though! I'd lose the ending credits though =p I know you wanted to keep the song in it, but it would have ended at a nice point.

Yeah,the Otanashi role fit the voice here and it got better for me as it went along. But it was tough for me to got invested earlier on not knowing what to expect outside of the title of this video. What I mean that the earlier lines felt stilted to my ears but I'm no voice producer. But the parts for the emotion and hesitation in Otanashi's voice was what changed the game for me.

Kanade's voice also took me a while to get into mainly cause of the character's moe looks makes me think of a higher pitch. I'm kind of glad you didn't went with that approach with the character but some of the shouting parts didn't match up as I feel the girl should look older. The more restrained parts of this scene was where this shines. Something actors today needs to learn that over-enunciating their lines doesn't make you a great actor,it is showing the right tone of voice or emotion based on the scene's shifting tones to mesh with the story. I guess that last comment was a congrats to you both.

Oh and Amanda,I do love your work with this song but now that Kei here helped me look at it through a critical light,some of the lines of the song does kind of make you struggle to keep the high pitch and I know it is hard to come up with English lyrics on your own so don't take it to heart but it felt that you really tried to fit in certain lyrics to where they don't quite fit 100%. It's off,but not by much. Your singing is always a treat to hear. Overall,I have felt very invested in this scene alone and I kind of wished I gave myself time to watch this series. I guess now's a time to start. Everyone did a good job despite some of my initial skepticism. Take my words as a grain of salt,your mileage may vary.

[Rogue Angel]

I won't cover the same ground as above, as I agree with the majority of what's already been said. However I did want to provide a quick comment.

I loved Angel Beats, and this scene in the original had me crying my eyes out (real manly I know). I wondered if you guys could capture the same feel. I didn't think I'd get upset again as I already knew what was coming, but some nice performances from you guys did bring the feeling back. I didn't cry, but I felt the same feelings starting to creep their way up.

I really liked when Kanade disappeared, in fact when it came to the point that Otanashi cried out Kanade's name I was actually pleading that there wouldn't be a horrible mic pop or static to ruin things. Happily their wasn't, the shout and the mixing of it was done really well. Which was a great thing, as it could have really ruined your hard work.

Whilst there are the points made above, I still think you did a great job. Congrats guys and yay for Angel Beats love!

[NicoleM_Animefan]

Thank you all for the feedback, everyone! : ) We hope we were able to do this scene justice to some degree. Aside from playing Homura from Puella Madoka Magica, this is probably one of the hardest scenes I have tackled. Re-watching it I really noticed that I over-acted at some parts as Paul mentioned, especially the part when I was talking about 'saving my life.' For me, it was very difficult to find that balance between giving not enough emotion and too much while at the same time maintaining the voice. It's like you want the feelings to get across, but you don't want to push them too hard.

[Xephon0930]

You're welcome. Although I admit,most of my critique was bounced off of Kei's.

[BossTrigger]

Otonashi/Tsukinokei - Nice, warm voice; great fit for the character. From 0:29 to 1:29 there's a great deal of little shifts in focus of emotion and they're paid very little heed. You're at a pretty consistent volume and rhythm throughout the entire bit, so the reads all sound rather stagnant. There's also an issue with minimalist construction of phrases: you acknowledge the transitions in topic by starting a new segment around the same sort of soft, lower place and steadily build up the phrase. Rinse repeat, so you'll get the construction from"This sounds strange and you may not believe me" to "It's fine! I'm not alone" repeated a couple times. It's not an unusable delivery, but it sounds slightly predictable when used a few times in a row. Otherwise, I don't take much issue with the performance, with the exception of "They'll probably try to stay" and "they'll wander here for ever" being built the same way rhythmically, which is a bit distracting. That said, I really dug where you went towards the end of the scene. The crying could've sounded a little bit more varied in places, but it's not an easy thing to do. I liked the noises where Otonashi fell over and was grabbing at the air. The final yell as well was quite nice, and it really showed off how damn nice your voice sounds. All in all I would just try and loosen up a bit; speed up and slow down if it works with the animation. You could afford to be much more free.

Kanade/NicoleM - Heeeeey Nicole. Been a while. I'm perfectly happy with the voice for the character (although I'm never terribly picky about a voice, honestly). You have a pretty distinctive way of speaking and that lends itself well to certain characters, but there are a few instances here where I'm not so sure it works. 1:36 to 2:53 is full of examples. Literally every single one of your lines is built the exact same way, regardless of subject matter. "Because of you I was able to keep on living. The warmth and kindness of your heart kept me alive." That melody, pacing, and resolution mirrors that of, essentially, every line afterwards. Even when lines begin "The only regret I've had in my life" or "I realized it when I stabbed you the first time." Ideally a character's tone should be a little bit different when they're talking about "when I stabbed you the first time" vs. "the warmth and kindness of your heart." The more climactic bits towards the end suffered the same sort of repetitive problem, but the energy boost and brevity of the lines usually made it less noticeable. The only thing I could recommend is to acknowledge words and the flow of a conversation. If sentences have the same patterns again and again without a great deal of meaningful emphasis the deliveries can begin to sound very contrived.

[NicoleM_Animefan]

Otonashi/Tsukinokei - Nice, warm voice; great fit for the character. From 0:29 to 1:29 there's a great deal of little shifts in focus of emotion and they're paid very little heed. You're at a pretty consistent volume and rhythm throughout the entire bit, so the reads all sound rather stagnant. There's also an issue with minimalist construction of phrases: you acknowledge the transitions in topic by starting a new segment around the same sort of soft, lower place and steadily build up the phrase. Rinse repeat, so you'll get the construction from"This sounds strange and you may not believe me" to "It's fine! I'm not alone" repeated a couple times. It's not an unusable delivery, but it sounds slightly predictable when used a few times in a row. Otherwise, I don't take much issue with the performance, with the exception of "They'll probably try to stay" and "they'll wander here for ever" being built the same way rhythmically, which is a bit distracting. That said, I really dug where you went towards the end of the scene. The crying could've sounded a little bit more varied in places, but it's not an easy thing to do. I liked the noises where Otonashi fell over and was grabbing at the air. The final yell as well was quite nice, and it really showed off how damn nice your voice sounds. All in all I would just try and loosen up a bit; speed up and slow down if it works with the animation. You could afford to be much more free.

Kanade/NicoleM - Heeeeey Nicole. Been a while. I'm perfectly happy with the voice for the character (although I'm never terribly picky about a voice, honestly). You have a pretty distinctive way of speaking and that lends itself well to certain characters, but there are a few instances here where I'm not so sure it works. 1:36 to 2:53 is full of examples. Literally every single one of your lines is built the exact same way, regardless of subject matter. "Because of you I was able to keep on living. The warmth and kindness of your heart kept me alive." That melody, pacing, and resolution mirrors that of, essentially, every line afterwards. Even when lines begin "The only regret I've had in my life" or "I realized it when I stabbed you the first time." Ideally a character's tone should be a little bit different when they're talking about "when I stabbed you the first time" vs. "the warmth and kindness of your heart." The more climactic bits towards the end suffered the same sort of repetitive problem, but the energy boost and brevity of the lines usually made it less noticeable. The only thing I could recommend is to acknowledge words and the flow of a conversation. If sentences have the same patterns again and again without a great deal of meaningful emphasis the deliveries can begin to sound very contrived.

Okay, so basically I was saying the lines the same way over and over again? In my VA Class Tony Oliver was talking about 'the music in your voice;' how you change the tone and the way each line is said. I really want to improve 'cause it's been so long >.< This is the first clip I've done in six months. It really shows how rusty I've gotten haha...;;

[TsukinoKei]

Otonashi/Tsukinokei - Nice, warm voice; great fit for the character. From 0:29 to 1:29 there's a great deal of little shifts in focus of emotion and they're paid very little heed. You're at a pretty consistent volume and rhythm throughout the entire bit, so the reads all sound rather stagnant. There's also an issue with minimalist construction of phrases: you acknowledge the transitions in topic by starting a new segment around the same sort of soft, lower place and steadily build up the phrase. Rinse repeat, so you'll get the construction from"This sounds strange and you may not believe me" to "It's fine! I'm not alone" repeated a couple times. It's not an unusable delivery, but it sounds slightly predictable when used a few times in a row. Otherwise, I don't take much issue with the performance, with the exception of "They'll probably try to stay" and "they'll wander here for ever" being built the same way rhythmically, which is a bit distracting. That said, I really dug where you went towards the end of the scene. The crying could've sounded a little bit more varied in places, but it's not an easy thing to do. I liked the noises where Otonashi fell over and was grabbing at the air. The final yell as well was quite nice, and it really showed off how damn nice your voice sounds. All in all I would just try and loosen up a bit; speed up and slow down if it works with the animation. You could afford to be much more free.

Kanade/NicoleM - Heeeeey Nicole. Been a while. I'm perfectly happy with the voice for the character (although I'm never terribly picky about a voice, honestly). You have a pretty distinctive way of speaking and that lends itself well to certain characters, but there are a few instances here where I'm not so sure it works. 1:36 to 2:53 is full of examples. Literally every single one of your lines is built the exact same way, regardless of subject matter. "Because of you I was able to keep on living. The warmth and kindness of your heart kept me alive." That melody, pacing, and resolution mirrors that of, essentially, every line afterwards. Even when lines begin "The only regret I've had in my life" or "I realized it when I stabbed you the first time." Ideally a character's tone should be a little bit different when they're talking about "when I stabbed you the first time" vs. "the warmth and kindness of your heart." The more climactic bits towards the end suffered the same sort of repetitive problem, but the energy boost and brevity of the lines usually made it less noticeable. The only thing I could recommend is to acknowledge words and the flow of a conversation. If sentences have the same patterns again and again without a great deal of meaningful emphasis the deliveries can begin to sound very contrived.

Thank you so much for taking the time to critique, You have no clue how much I appreciate it. This was such a difficult clip and it's been quite some now since I voice- acted so that could be the reason why. I felt it was such a key clip, I had really high expectations to get it right. When I was voicing Yuzuru, I didn't want to put too much emotion in there but just enough where he was trying to get Kanade to stay. When I look back at the clip now, I do have to agree with the transitions that you mentioned. I will defiantly take your critique in mind for the future. Thanks a lot!