Online Relationships

[BigTUnit1]

Well my view on long distance relationships is a little...complicated, so let's give this a go.

I was in a LDR with a girl for two and a half years, and although for that time is worked out really well, it suffered from it's own design. The distance causes you to not be there for your significant other when things go bad, and it leaves a hopeless feeling of regret in your heart whenever it occurs. Also, the time you have to devote to an Online Relationship is immense. It's not like you just go out on dates on occasion or see them while you are out. You have to devote a good amount of your day on the computer or on the phone. If you don't, you don't exist to them. Your lives never intersect beyond that electronic medium. While I might sound pessimistic, I think it's definitely possible, but both people have to be committed to it, and at some point, one of them should plan to move to where the other one is if they plan on taking it seriously. I believe mine eventually lost to time, but that's just my circumstance. In conclusion, if you want to be involved in an online relationship, expect some hardships and work through them as a team. Just like a normal relationship right?

[TwilitWing]

Just something to add... Talk about your futures. My most recent relationship got broken up over what we wanted to do with our lives.

And for those of us who want to VA for a living, LA and FUNi are basically your only options. She wanted to work for Disney World. Which is in Florida. So, no work out.

I still love her, but it'll just be way too much of a sacrifice for both of us.

[BenTuttle90]

I’m in a long distance relationship as well. At first; I was very skeptical, thinking it’s all just plain weird and something to avoid. That idea recently changed and it was around a few months ago. I’m in a relationship with Ribb0ns and like she said, we knew each other for about a year and it grew from there. Online, yes you can deceive people by creating a new persona, but in cases like these; people can be extremely honest and open towards another on the internet, since they usually cannot see their reactions or anything like that. In fact; she knows a lot more about me more than most people have.

We do video chat by Skype and I often forget that she’s nearly a thousand miles away. Distance is the biggest issue, after these chats, reality sets in that she’s far away. It really is upsetting and frustrating, but with time; it may be solved. It does revolve on honesty and trust, like all relationships, and I completely trust her. Without trust; a relationship falls like a house of cards.

With a long distance relationship, you do have to see them face to face once in a while. I am going to see her in December; it’s kinda funny, but…
• I have never bought a plane ticket before in my life and I only flown once before in my life… with a large group of people, but never alone.
• I have never been to Texas in my life or anywhere down south.

From an outside perspective, this is an extremely risky and pretty much a big gamble. For someone who usually has remorse… when I bought a plane ticket, no remorse or what ifs… it was mostly just I’m going to see her and it’ll be a wonderful time.

Some online relationships do take a lot of work, trust, and time, like most relationships. Just most has said, with a little commitment and maturity; it can go a long way.

[Damaru]

Don't shoot me, this is long and I'm not a guru or anything; I'm just putting in my four cents. xD

I used to believe online relationships were ludicrous, but I realize you'd have to be pretty ignorant to say the feelings attached to them weren't real or legitimate. As everyone has said, it can be VERY tough, but as with all relationships, the street goes two ways; both people must work hard to make it happen.

People may be more comfortable with expressing their true selves online because they can be anonymous. There's no need to go through this ritual of dancing around each other in real life, where you may be insecure about your appearance, the way you act, if their friends like you, etc. With online, people see you in words. And hopefully, if there's ever an intention to go into a greater friendship/relationship, you'll move beyond words into vocal conversations, and eventually face-to-face via webcam. And if you work hard enough, you can even meet. Eventually an online relationship becomes a long-distance relationship, which is frankly no less legitimate than a close-proximity relationship. I know I've oversimplified this linear progression, but I'm trying to say that the internet is simply a medium through which people get to know each other and ease into a connection, given that you exercise proper judgment and awareness with whom you interact.

Once you go beyond the threshold of online and meet face to face, then you'll know. It's true, the person you've known online could've established a fake identity from day one, but chances are you've simply connected to a genuine person on the other side of the screen. But if you start to talk with this person everyday, eventually your natural persona can slip out through conversation. Yes, you lack the physical aspect, but if you talk on the phone or get on webcam, the only true barrier is touch. And while touch can become a very important thing later on, in my opinion, it should not be the one thing that holds agency over your decision to enter a relationship. Your flesh is the same as another body's, but your mind and personality are wholly your own--an irreplaceable and unique aspect that someone may not necessarily be able to find in a closer proximity. Attractiveness and touch will get the proverbial foot in the door, but to those who believe in love, it's the connection of our minds that hold us so strongly and dearly. I don't believe in settling or being with someone out of convenience. That is not to say I think couples not in LDR are merely settling (not by any means), but I do think that if you want someone who truly understands you and makes you happy, why would you sacrifice a chance to be with that special person in place of someone who may only meet your wishes part of the way?

I truly believe that people in LDR can be strong. If you are so reliant on the constant sight and touch of your partner, the relationship may quickly slip into being too comfortable to the point of not really wanting to see each other everyday. With LDR, it gives you a chance to miss and yearn but not necessarily get what you want, making the occasional (or perhaps once in a lifetime) meeting that much more valuable to you. So much more patience, sacrifice, and lack of freedom is involved, which to me builds some character and can teach us lessons on how to deal with life in general as well--to teach us to commit, be responsible, faithful, mature, hardworking, determined, and disciplined; not to be self-satisfying, reliant on "reality" and physicality, and be impatient. There will be heartbreak, but for the sake of someone you love, would you bear it?

You should be able to decide for yourself whether you really care about and love this person enough to try hard for them. There are many people who are on opposite sides of the world who have been together for several years, so couldn't that give people incentive to look at how they are dealing with their own relationship? Still, of course there are financial issues and you need to consider if you'll be able to live with this person if you plan on having a "typical future" together. But I always believe that if you want something enough, you WILL do it and you WILL overcome any excuse.

But long story short, I believe online relationships could work as long as they go beyond a textual basis. At the very least speak to each other on Skype or something so you can at least hear the nuances in their personality, and get to know them/maintain a connection from there. I'm sure, especially on the VAA, it's not too difficult to share your voices with each other anyway.

[AssenavxActress]

WOW! O_O I am amazed at the responses! Thank you guys for sharing! *HUGS*

[Praxis678]

I've been in a few online relationships. In fact for me it's almost a necissity seeing as the people in my hometown are about as backwater hicksville as you can get haha. But um I support online relationships but so far I haven't found someone that was able to be loyal and stuff due to the long distance getting away with things yadda yadda.

[Moonvamp]

For me, I have never have been involved with anyone online, and quite frankly, if I did, I'm not sure if it would last that long.

In some ways, I could see how it could work. I'm online a lot of the time, and love to chat whenever someone is present and wants to text me as well. However, my past relationships with romance, on and offline, have been severely lackluster, with me being single for more than eleven years and counting. With offline, while I may never worry too much about having to communicate in a body fashion (holding, hugging, etc.), I still might still have a sense of loneliness when I can't truly speak with the person closely and not just through text and webcam. However, since I've never tried it, I could be wrong.

Just a fair warning though. I'm very weird. :p

[InuKun]

In a LD Online relationship as well (Will be heading to West Yorkshire in January to amongst other things, pop the question). It does take a fair bit of commitment along the way and it is challenging when you know you have to go your separate ways afterwards until you meet again in person.

But it depends on the two individuals in question. Some online relationships work out, whilst others don't. Just like in face to face relationships. The only type on online relationship I don't support is the scam type, wherein one party is conned into constantly sending money to the other in the belief it will benefit the relationship, only to then end up screwed over.

[Xephon0930]

I hate to be the buzzkill in this thread but I am going to say don't bother. The whole deal with online relationships is like walking on thin ice as you have never met the person until you do so in real life. Even then,like you guys have pointed out,what if the person wasn't what you have imagined and what if they are much older than you? This added in the fact that you don't know this person outside of the online world. This gets more complicated if one person does know what the other looks like because the person is well known in the online community. It kind of feels one-sided and setting up meet ups is also a pain. That and the distance and the lack of contact. In these online relationships,things get even more complicated in an already complicated matter. My take on it is don't even bother. If you think the relationship isn't going to work to begin with,then why would you do it? Again,this is just my opinion here that I have formed through my own experiences and I am warning you,this is a slippery slope and if you want my final verdict,I wouldn't even bother. But then again,I am also a person embittered by this kind of topic and would wish to warn people from something with an unlikely prospect of working.

[RYTEDR]

This post may just be a waste of space, but I feel like I'd just like to chime in with something small, and maybe sometime in the future, share my tale in a more elaborate fashion. This topic, however, is very tender to me and I have a lot of experience with it regarding the troubles, difficulties, and complications that arise from this sort of relationship. I'd be happy to shed any light on it, if someone is wondering. Believe me, I've experienced it all.

I was with someone for over six years online after meeting them on the old Lionhead forums (we were both anxiously waiting for Black & White 2. XD) I was thirteen and she was eleven when we met. She was the first and only person I've ever loved and those feelings, I assure you, are completely real. In some ways, I feel that meeting through the internet has benefits that outweigh meeting someone IRL. When it's just you and the chatbox, you are only looking at that person's mind. No superficial banalities or physical tensions holding you down. You have an opportunity to fully communicate and understand each other right from the beginning.

We met each other June of last year, taking my first plane trip over to the UK to meet her. It was the best experience in my life, and we meshed together just as amazingly as we did online. There was no difference because we never faked ourselves to each other. We spoke of the times we screwed up; when we were assholes, and tried our best never to cloud our real selves from each other. We wanted to be honest, because we wanted to be loved for who we really were. That's something that is required for an online relationship to work. Communication is an essential trait, and you have to communicate even more honestly and eloquently than IRL, because all your lover can see is the picture you paint for them. You have to paint it in the most truthful, honest, expressive way, or one day it will fall apart irrespective of your love and commitment to each other.

Because of this, a large amount of online relationships may not work. Dishonesty about who you are and what you do can paint a very different picture from reality. We did not do this, and thus did not suffer.

Ultimately, even with all of this, it did not work out. It's a very complicated, painful little story that I'm still quite not over, so I apologize if I cannot really share any more than this. Like I said, maybe when I feel a little better, I will be able to contribute a bit more to this thread.