[SSP] Devoted Prologue Chapter [FIXED 9/3/10]

[rebelcheese]

Forget Glenn Beck restoring honor. I'm restoring honor to myself by finally getting this thing completed. Took way too long, and I apologize for that, but real life's been kicking my ass to be brutally honest. Episode 1 is hopefully - hopefully - just a couple of weeks away, and will introduce my audio drama's unofficial theme song (it's a number 1 from 1994 . . . no, I'm not telling you what song it is or what chart it topped).

Anyway, hope you enjoy.
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Devoted Prologue Chapter

STREAM/DOWNLOAD

The opening scene takes place in November 1991. The scenes after Silas' narration take place in July 1994.

Length: 25 Minutes

Cast:

Silas Gartner: JCTrance19
Calgary Leone: Shudo-Ranmaru
Young Calgary: KaraElliott
Sarah Forsett: SeraPhia
Trent Johannsen: mrwest16
Amber Kasica: lightofhope18
Chantal Gartner: dragonknighttara
Melissa Gartner: Fanta_Chan
Toby Gartner: Kamuro
Damon Warrick: Ryomasa
Simone Johnson: wrennfyi

SFX: The VAA Sound Effects Library (becoming ever more useful by the day, a big thanks to everyone who's uploaded anything there), The Freesound Project, and Soundsnap.

Score BGM: Red Garden OST by Akira Senju. Work is copyrighted to their respective owners and is being used simply because it fits the material better than anything else.

Insert Song BGM (played on radio on low volume or only out of one speaker):

"The Sound of Silence" by Simon & Garfunkel. From the 1964 album Sounds of Silence, Columbia Records.
"Breed" by Nirvana. From the 1991 album Nevermind, Geffen Records.
"Mayonnaise" by The Smashing Pumpkins, from the 1993 album Siamese Dreams, Virgin Records.
"Linger" by The Cranberries, from the 1993 album Everyone Else Is Doing It, So Why Can't We?, Interscope Records.

All songs copyright to their respective owners, and is being used to make the setting a bit more authentic (it IS 1994, after all). Songs will be much less common in subsequent episodes.

I'd also like to thank Shudo-Ranmaru and Fanta_Chan for stepping in late and doing a phenomenal job with Calgary and Melissa respectively. You both played integral parts in saving this production when it was neck-deep in development hell.

Thank you for listening, and I hope you enjoy the production.

[lightofhope18]

Yes, it's out! I'm really glad that this project was dropped and the replacement cast filled in nicely. The mixing was well done and most everything was at a comfortable listening level. There were only a couple of parts when you switched between one and two speakers that some lines were hard to hear. I like how you used that effect though -- made a bit more realistic. I was rather impressed with the mic quality of the cast. I don't think I heard one bad mic.

I really liked the cast for this. I don't think there was a single person who did not fit their role well and the voices pretty much complimented one another. I do admit there were some forced sounding voices, but for the most part, I thought those portraying junior high students sounded pretty legit. Only a few spots of bland acting, but nothing too noticeable. JCTrance19 did a fine job of sounding angst-y and whatnot (I think you were my character's boyfriend in the last audio production I was in too -- Man Up!?), though your happiness about dating Sarah sounded a bit forced and not as excited as towards the end. I loved listening to the exchanges between Tara, Fanta, and Kamuro -- ideal family topic right there. ;D Sera did an excellent job sounding like a bitch and mrwest16 sounded like a natural pushover. I don't have much to say about Ryomasa and wrennfyi since they didn't have a very big part. They did sound professional, though Ryomasa was a bit too loud in comparison to wrennfyi. And Shudo... You sounded like suuuuuuuch a nice girl, can't wait to hear more craziness from you<3

Overall, I really enjoyed this. This is probably the most hardcore realistic audio production I've been in for a while and honestly, I cannot wait to hear the next chapter! You did a very nice job with this, rebelcheese. It was worth the wait!

Quick note: Was there a "Younger Calgary" in this? I can't recall hearing her...

[dragonknighttara]

I'm so excited this is out! See, I knew you could do it.

I went through and listened to this earlier, but I'll probably have to comment tomorrow or monday when I'm not falling asleep as I type. Some really solid stuff here though and I'm psyched for even more.

Just major nitpick before I actually go and type out a full comment - there is a scene missing sir! I was able to figure out what was going on based on context and what I knew of the story from other scenes, but I went back and checked the script and noticed that the scene where Silas and Sarah are attacked was not there and I would really like to hear it D:

Otherwise again, good work and I will totally comment soon ^^


I also totally owe you that footstep sfx pack don't I? ><

[Jay C]

Yay, it's out! Another great by rebelcheese. Good to see you didn't give this up.

This seems off to a good start. The mixing was very well orchestrated. I did notice a bit of an inconsistency in mic and sfx volumes, and a few instances where static could be heard, then randomly cut off. But it's only a minor thing. And I don't know if it's just me, but during the narration, I think the whole first paragraph repeated... I could've sworn I heard "That's HIV for you" twice.

All the VA's are really great and fit their parts.^^ I really like the interaction between fanta, dragonknight, and light down in the living room before Amber goes up to meet Silas. It sounded so natural. (and yes LoH, that was me in Man Up! lol). God, I REALLY need to stop recording lines after I get home from work and I'm dead tired. I sound so... dead. O_O I will definitely pick up my energy for future episodes.

Off to a great start rebel, keep it up!

[rebelcheese]

Just major nitpick before I actually go and type out a full comment - there is a scene missing sir! I was able to figure out what was going on based on context and what I knew of the story from other scenes, but I went back and checked the script and noticed that the scene where Silas and Sarah are attacked was not there and I would really like to hear it D:

And I don't know if it's just me, but during the narration, I think the whole first paragraph repeated... I could've sworn I heard "That's HIV for you" twice.

I'll try to provide more detailed responses tomorrow but I will look into both of these issues ASAP and fix them, considering that I still have the raw materials. Though technically Silas and Sarah were never attacked, Sarah ran off to grab a police officer while Silas stuck his nose in and got, well, burned.

It wouldn't be the first time where I fully mixed a scene and then somehow forgot to put it in.

[rebelcheese]

All right, I managed to fix the issue that tara pointed out (there was a scene missing *headsdesk*), but I can't hear the issue than JCTrance is speaking about unless it's simply repetitive writing on my part (I actually shortened the narration a bit when I realized Silas was going over the same points over and over).

Thank you insomnia for making me fix this so fast.

[dragonknighttara]

Did you update the download link yet? The scene still seems to be missing :/

But no worries - it happens to the best of us. Just glad we caught it ^^

[rebelcheese]

Did you update the download link yet? The scene still seems to be missing :/

But no worries - it happens to the best of us. Just glad we caught it ^^

All right, I'll try a different way of getting it up. I was just trying to replace the file the last time, now I'm taking the file down and re-uploading from scratch. We'll see if that'll do it. I'll edit this post when the new link is up.

EDIT: Link has been replaced.

[dragonknighttara]

Wooo! There we go - much better XD

Silas Gartner: JCTrance19 - I really liked you on older Silas a lot. You got his attitude down pretty well and there were some solid deliveries all around. Your younger voice, however, was considerably weaker and I think you were focusing on the voice enough that it hindered some of your acting. I saw you mentioned you were pretty tired recording these and I think that showed as well, so I would just up the energy a bit and keep working on younger voices too. Otherwise, you're making for a really nice lead here. Glad to see you in another project!

Calgary Leone: Shudo-Ranmaru - Shudo, I'm so glad you were able to pick up this role and I'm really looking forward to seeing more here. Not a whole lot of lines, but yeah, you were really creepy already. XD I would recommend though to play your deliveries a little more direct so there's less breathy pauses, that way she sounds a bit more confident in what she's doing.

Young Calgary: KaraElliott - Also a really nice voice too, and I liked that for the most part you really seemed into the scene and character. There were one or two lines, specifically when you really started crying and were running towards Silas that you slid out of range a little bit and sounded more like you were reading or holding back for all out terror, so I would just be careful for consistency and believability there. But otherwise I really liked you here too.

Sarah Forsett: SeraPhia - You really have this wonderful clear voice that I love hearing in audio drama and I was glad to catch you here too. Especially with your older incarnation, you sounded very suitably snobby and confident and ready to twirl any guy around your finger. There were a few times though you did seem less energetic or not quite as into your lines than I had hoped. It might also have been nice to see you change up your deliveries and voice a bit more when you were trying to get Silas to go with you to get ice cream or when you were telling him to not listen to his mom so much. THat could be a really fun angle to play up later to show her nice girl side and her more controlling side without going full on bossy like with Trent. Otherwise again, I'm liking you here and I'm excited for more from you.

Trent Johannsen: mrwest16 - Like JCTrance, I don't think you were very strong with your younger voice, though I definitely think you got energy down. Some weird deliveries here and there, but you really had a good sense of enthusiasm that worked. Also you sounded very appropriate whipped when you were older and that worked very nicely too. Like Shudo, I'm really curious to see where you'll go with this =D

Amber Kasica: lightofhope18 - You really had some great moments to shine on in your scenes here and I think you handled this character pretty well. There were times when I think you were almost too nice though and I would have liked to hear a bit more of a stronger voice and deliveries for you when you really start bossing Silas around. Overall though, you definitely seem to have a grasp for her passionate side and I think you're going to grow in this character well as the story goes on.

Chantal Gartner: dragonknighttara - I really love this character and she's pretty much me in a lot of ways, so I'm so glad to be able to play her and be a part of this production. But old lines are old and I can definitely nitpick some stuff to keep an eye out for in future. Namely not recording while exhausted also XD Seriously though, I can't wait to do more here.

Melissa Gartner: Fanta_Chan - I know you tend to get cast as the mother a lot, but you really work so well here. The bantering scenes with you were definitely a highlight here and you sound appropriately concerned. I would like to here a bit more vocal intensity from you here and there - just to really push the levels of the character. For the most part your character is pretty low key, but giving her just a bit more energy and intensity on certain inflections and deliveries would add a really nice spark here.

Toby Gartner: Kamuro - You have such a great boy's voice and wonderful energy here. Definitely have obnoxious little brother down well XD My only complaint is that occasionally I could pick out traces of your accent throughout your deliveries. I know these lines are a bit older and I haven't noticed this with you before on recent stuff so I don't know if you've gotten better there or not, but something to watch for just in general. Otherwise, lovely job.

Damon Warrick: Ryomasa - This has to be the second time I've heard you in something and gone "Whoah, that's a very cool sounding voice... who was that..." and lo and behold, its you XD I'm really glad to see you here and your voice works well for that very controlled, more mature sound. Like Fanta I think some of your deliveries could use just a bit more to them in terms of levels - since you're building a character purely on voice, I think its alright to push deliveries a bit more extreme than we are accustomed to to really flavor your character and the sound to keep your listeners really focused in on what you're doing. Otherwise, again you have a really awesome voice and I'm definitely going to have to keep you in mind for future projects. =D

Simone Johnson: wrennfyi - I have to admit, I'm not quite sold on you yet. I'd start listening and think, oh she sounds too young for this character, but then you'd have a really nice delivery and your tone had this nice warm and more mature quality for a moment, and then it would slip back again. I would definitely work consistency and try to think of how to best get your voice to have that maturity on all your lines. Energy could be higher too, even if your character is a no-nonsense police officer. A good way to channel that might be intensity and focus, to give her an intelligent and calculating presence. Again, I think you've got some good stuff to work on there, but I would continue to hone this voice and your deliveries so you can really nail this.

Mixing: I was really happy with some of the stuff I heard here. This flowed very well, music and vocals were really well leveled, and sound effects blended in much more seamlessly than I recall in the past. Your footsteps still were a bit heavy here but they sounded SO much more natural now. The background ambiance for the very first scene with Trent and Silas, as well as the traffic after Silas saves Calgary were both pushed up just high enough so they were starting to make dialogue a bit difficult to hear, but that was honestly my only real complaint otherwise. This was really easy to follow and you did some really nice work here.

Scripting: Though they were still here and there occasionally, your dialogue and scripting really is flowing more naturally with each project. Most of the direct conversations were definitely your strong point here, and your scripting of the scene where Calgary was attacked was done really well so I didn't really feel lost at all (now that we've finally got the missing scene cleared up XD). My only real complaint was that Silas' monologue did run a tad long and a few parts did strike me as redundant. It was by no means bad, but I think it could have taken a bit more editing yet to really get it nice and streamlined. You've really got some great characters and plot started here though, and I'm so curious to read/hear more.

Really overall a very nice production - I think this is going to be your best already. =D I can't wait to see the next script!

[rebelcheese]

Can I reply while listening to The Elysium Project? We will see!

Yes, it's out! I'm really glad that this project was dropped and the replacement cast filled in nicely. The mixing was well done and most everything was at a comfortable listening level. There were only a couple of parts when you switched between one and two speakers that some lines were hard to hear. I like how you used that effect though -- made a bit more realistic. I was rather impressed with the mic quality of the cast. I don't think I heard one bad mic.

I really liked the cast for this. I don't think there was a single person who did not fit their role well and the voices pretty much complimented one another. I do admit there were some forced sounding voices, but for the most part, I thought those portraying junior high students sounded pretty legit. Only a few spots of bland acting, but nothing too noticeable. JCTrance19 did a fine job of sounding angst-y and whatnot (I think you were my character's boyfriend in the last audio production I was in too -- Man Up!?), though your happiness about dating Sarah sounded a bit forced and not as excited as towards the end. I loved listening to the exchanges between Tara, Fanta, and Kamuro -- ideal family topic right there. ;D Sera did an excellent job sounding like a bitch and mrwest16 sounded like a natural pushover. I don't have much to say about Ryomasa and wrennfyi since they didn't have a very big part. They did sound professional, though Ryomasa was a bit too loud in comparison to wrennfyi. And Shudo... You sounded like suuuuuuuch a nice girl, can't wait to hear more craziness from you<3

Overall, I really enjoyed this. This is probably the most hardcore realistic audio production I've been in for a while and honestly, I cannot wait to hear the next chapter! You did a very nice job with this, rebelcheese. It was worth the wait!

Quick note: Was there a "Younger Calgary" in this? I can't recall hearing her...

The cast was absolutely amazing, especially considering the problems I've had to deal with. I think the majority of the acting issues just involve everybody growing into the roles. Once that happens I think everything will sound perfect. I'm glad you liked the dialogue, this is extremely important because, like most audio dramas, this thing is dialogue-driven. If the dialogue sucked there goes everything else.

I was really careful with the mixing. I'm trying to evolve my style a lot more. With the VAA Library, I have a lot more options with mixing now, so I don't have to rely on BGM to set the mood like I used to.

And yes, there is a Young Calgary scene, I forgot to put it in there. Please listen to it too, if you can, now that it's in.

Thank you for listening.

Yay, it's out! Another great by rebelcheese. Good to see you didn't give this up.

This seems off to a good start. The mixing was very well orchestrated. I did notice a bit of an inconsistency in mic and sfx volumes, and a few instances where static could be heard, then randomly cut off. But it's only a minor thing. And I don't know if it's just me, but during the narration, I think the whole first paragraph repeated... I could've sworn I heard "That's HIV for you" twice.

All the VA's are really great and fit their parts.^^ I really like the interaction between fanta, dragonknight, and light down in the living room before Amber goes up to meet Silas. It sounded so natural. (and yes LoH, that was me in Man Up! lol). God, I REALLY need to stop recording lines after I get home from work and I'm dead tired. I sound so... dead. O_O I will definitely pick up my energy for future episodes.

Off to a great start rebel, keep it up!

I don't the narration repeated as much as my writing of that was simply too repetitive. I've been trying to cut out repetition from my writing more and more, and I guess there's still some remnants of that. I will continue to better my mixing, I think this is the best job I've done so far, because I took a lot of care. I wanted to decrease BGM big time and only use BGM when it would be most emotionally effective, and rely on ambience to back up most scenes. At the same time, I wanted the SFX to blend seamlessly with the dialogue and background ambience/BGM, which took a LOT of work.

Everyone seems to love that conversation. I keep nitpicking over it personally.

Thank you for listening.

Mixing: I was really happy with some of the stuff I heard here. This flowed very well, music and vocals were really well leveled, and sound effects blended in much more seamlessly than I recall in the past. Your footsteps still were a bit heavy here but they sounded SO much more natural now. The background ambiance for the very first scene with Trent and Silas, as well as the traffic after Silas saves Calgary were both pushed up just high enough so they were starting to make dialogue a bit difficult to hear, but that was honestly my only real complaint otherwise. This was really easy to follow and you did some really nice work here.

Scripting: Though they were still here and there occasionally, your dialogue and scripting really is flowing more naturally with each project. Most of the direct conversations were definitely your strong point here, and your scripting of the scene where Calgary was attacked was done really well so I didn't really feel lost at all (now that we've finally got the missing scene cleared up XD). My only real complaint was that Silas' monologue did run a tad long and a few parts did strike me as redundant. It was by no means bad, but I think it could have taken a bit more editing yet to really get it nice and streamlined. You've really got some great characters and plot started here though, and I'm so curious to read/hear more.

Really overall a very nice production - I think this is going to be your best already. =D I can't wait to see the next script!

Footsteps are something I don't think I'll ever completely conquer. I keep trying, though. And yes, you owe me that pack. XD

I wanted to show a different side of my writing. I think, for the most part, I was pushing myself too hard with all of the previous projects. I wanted something that was easier to mix but also something more atmospheric, more suspenseful, that gives the listener an engrossing whirlwind of sound that grips the listener until it ends. Everything you hear in the background was very carefully chosen, even the songs you hear on the "radios" have lyrics that pertain to the production's themes present and future. And I chose Akira Senju's Red Garden work because it's a work designed for sparse, careful implementation (well, that and it fits the audio drama really well XD), using it would force me to change my mixing style.

With the scripting I also wanted to show something different. My influences have changed. If "Brutal Kids" is my ode to anime OVAs, "Devoted" is more like my ode to Naoki Urasawa, Haruki Murakami, Stephen King, and Scott Smith. It's something more novel-like in execution, with emphasis on atmosphere, deliberate pacing, characterization, and fitting everything together like a puzzle. I know that my tendency for redundancy is my biggest writing weakness (well, that and I need to stop writing slow burns and get to the point faster), and it's something I need to keep watching out for and fix. I hope that by the end of this everything will be streamlined into something I can be proud of.

Thank you for listening, and I'd like to thank everyone for their patience. I know what this production is capable of. I'm going to complete it.