Stupid, I know. I wasn't really thinking. My feelings took over and, as everybody knows, emotions don't have to make sense. Besides, thinking only made me feel worse. My car, or I should say the car my mom and dad gave me, began to slow down for lack of gas. Not only was I lost without gas, I had no means of communication and there wasn't any sign of civilization to be seen. Common sense would have told me to stay on the highway, keep my cell phone instead of throwing it out the window, or at least fill up the gas tank before turning off the main road—if only I had been using it.Up for constructive criticism, corrections on verb confusion, anything! Please help me improve my writing!
More regret wouldn't help anything, though, and I knew it. Somewhere deep inside myself I knew that I was glad to be rid of my cell phone. It carried memories of lies and deceit that were just too agonizing for me to handle. Those memories made me feel weak, naïve, and utterly gullible. Being The Joke carried quite a bit of emotional baggage, I found out. He never loved me. Maybe I never loved him. That was easy. I never loved him, I never loved him, I never loved him. It was simple to think it because it was true. I NEVER LOVED HIM.
As my car rolled down its last gravel hill through pure momentum, I realized I needed to put my mind on the present. I sighed to try to clear my mind, but agitation made my breath come out all at once. I tried again with a nice, slow inhalation. My diaphragm expanded and I rounded my lips in preparation for the cleansing sigh, only this time I yelled:
“FUCK! I NEVER FUCKING LOVED YOU, YOU BASTARD! FUCK YOU!”
In a rage, I jumped out of my car and stomped on an imaginary head and continued to yell obscene phrases into its imaginary ears. I took out all my frustration on the gravel beneath my feet, as if it would really do anything to help me. It felt amazing, though, right up until I hit an emotional wall and crashed, completely fatigued. My body seemed to throb right along with my heart beat and it was all I could do to climb back into the car and recline the seat. I closed my eyes and managed to relax for quite a while. For the first time today, my mind was blank.
Eventually, my heart rate slowed and I could hear rustles and insects from outside of the car. Eerie, unsettling noises, as far as I was concerned. As my body slowed down I began to feel the cool temperature creeping through the cracks of my car. A breeze forced my car to rock, and it made me dizzy even though my eyes were closed. It would be a realization, it turned out, that brought me fully out of my trance.
I was going to have to spend the night there, in the cold car. I hadn’t seen a house for miles, a car for even longer, and I was completely surrounded by thick trees. I didn’t even remember seeing a street sign. My thin jacket wasn’t enough to keep me warm in this temperature, so going out to look for help wouldn’t do. It made much more sense to wait till the morning when the sun was out and it was warmer. I wanted to believe that, anyway. The more I thought about it the more scared I was. The moon and the woods played tricks on my eyes as I kept seeing creepy shadows.
I forced my eyes shut and found myself wishing I could be as brave as I was before, when I jumped out of the car and yelled at an imaginary person. I should have been screaming for help. I probably just scared away any chance of salvation. That thought made me feel awful. Since I was already in a bad mood, I thought it would be okay to reminisce on the day.
I had woke up at the crack of dawn, forced a bagel down my throat and been on my way. A discomfort in my stomach reminded me how that happened to be the last meal I had eaten. Being careful to be quiet so as to not wake my parents, I crept out to my car and turned on the engine. My destination was far away, and my goal, to get my boyfriend back. I didn’t want to remember what happened when I got there, it wasn’t important. What was important was the fact I was hours away from home. My mom called me as I was on my way back. Her voice sounded so disappointed and full of pity, I couldn’t take it. I threw my phone out the window trying to forget the way my mother had spoken to me. For some reason, it was worse than anything else. The need to escape was so powerful; I turned at the first country road.
I felt warm tears pool at the corner of my eyes and spill down my cheeks and neck. It didn’t help to keep me warm but it was enough to make me tired again, almost instantly I dozed off and let myself drift into dreamland.
I was dreaming that I was lost in a house chock full of blankets and house plants. Shadow creatures were chasing me and as I was trying to run away from them I tripped over a potted tree and got wrapped up in a quilt with a leaf pattern. All of a sudden I was lying at the base of a giant tree with its roots jabbing at me from underneath. The shadow creatures hovered above me. I tried to yell for help, but they took my voice away. I saw my mother appear from behind a nearby tree; her face was twisted into a grotesque picture of pity. Her voice reflected the same degree of disappointment as she spoke to me. I tried to tell her to hide and not to speak or the shadow people would take away her voice. She wouldn’t listen and instead of attacking her, the shadows disappeared inside of my body and my mother cried out the most terrible ear-splitting shriek.
I was unsure if I was still dreaming, but my body was shaking. Did the shadow creatures take over my body? No, my car was rocking. My head hurt, but why? Was it my mother’s scream? No, my mother was safe at home, but I wasn't. I was awake then. Something had woken me. I looked around and saw that the roof of my car had been dented in and my back window had shattered. I could see that that must’ve made the deafening noise, but what had caused it? My heart was racing so fast I could barely focus enough to hear the crunch... crunch on the gravel outside. Maybe a branch had fallen off a tree and hit my car, I thought. I wanted to believe that, but branches didn’t get up, start walking, or make the kind of sound I didn’t want to believe I was hearing. I clenched my eyes shut and began to panic as I heard something viciously scratch at my door and rock the entire car. I told myself that it was just an animal, and that I shouldn’t freak out.
The next time I opened my eyes, events played out in slow motion. The large silhouette outside of my window somehow managed to lift the doorknob and tear off my car door. Its paws reached in to roughly latch onto me and rip me out of the vehicle. The cold night was offset by the intense warmth of the creature that imprisoned me in its dark fur. I couldn’t see anything and I was suffocating against it. I felt weightless as I felt the creature bounding through the air. Lack of oxygen increased my sense of disorientation and I felt myself giving in to it.