Still Doll Progress! Critiques Loved!

[codeblackhayate]

Here is my version of Still Doll from Vampire Knight:
Putfile
Youtube --?

Lyrics:
Please do not jack them/Claim them as your own

Hi Miss Alice,
With your cold eyes made of glass
What is haunting your dreams?
What is it you see?
What leaves you entranced?


Once again,
my heart is torn apart
and my tears flow free.
Bitter memories,
they pierce the once mended scars.
Will they never heal?

Still you do not answer.


If any of you have taken notice, I haven't been posting/auditioning for anything for the greater part of two months. >__< I keep getting sick and slammed by school work! Anywho, I have loads of "translated" versions of songs that I never get around to singing/finishing anything I want to post, so I'm going to just make a progress post as motivation!

I probably shouldn't be singing until I'm better...>__< but having something up is MOTIVATION for completion! I want to make this a high quality mp3 for a music demo sometime in the future. I will redo the vocals when my voice is better, but in the mean time, I would love critiques on the lyrics and the effects. (I tried to make it a bit mysterious.)