Full Metal Alchemist (fanfic) -The Silent Hero-

[Mina-chan]

Fullmetal
Alchemist

"The Silent Hero"

(Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really belived that to be the world's one and only truth...)

Edward Elric - 15 Alphonse Elric - 14

"Finally, we made it to the next town!" Ed collapst to the ground.
"Yeah, It's about time," Al sighed with relief.
Edward and Alphonse have been traveling ever since they tried to use human tranmutation and bring their mom back from the dead. Having failed that, Ed lost his right arm and left leg. Alphonse, however, lost his body completely. Though, he was still alive with his soul sealed in an armored knight suit. Ever since then, they truly understood the concept of equivalent exchange, and that human transmutation was breaking the laws of alchemy. From then on, Edward and Alphonse Elric have been determined to search for ways to retrieve their body parts from the other side of the Gate of Equivalency. They have been searching now for about three years and still haven't found anything out about how to obtain their bodies, yet, they never lost hope. They figured that one day soon, their hard work and efforts will pay off.
"Welcome to the town of Lotus (La-tus). You must be new commers, am i right," a woman carrying flowers stopped by.
"Yeah, that's right," Ed said a little awkwardly.
"Do you need a place to stay, or do you know your way around?"
"A place to stay? Where," Al replied franticly.

The woman smiled, "Of course. Follow me."

As the woman showed them around the peaceful town of Lotus, Ed and Al noticed something rather...strange. It was a quiet town, but a little too quiet to be normal. Nobody seemed to be out. Just two or three people stopped to say 'hi'.

"Oh, how silly of me," the woman stopped, "My name is Sally, and i hope you don't mind, but i have a fifteen year old daughter who is obsessed with alchemy. So don't mind her."

"Alchemy? Really? Well, we're alchemists, maybe we can teach her a few things about the equivalent exchange - " Al started but Ed elbowed him in the tin (stomach).

"You guys also believe in that nonsense, even though i don't aprove of alchemy, I may consider allowing you to teach her a thing or two. You see, alchemy has been in our generation for centuries. I just wanted our family to be like everyone else's. Ever since my husband died, Kelsea continued to carry out his dream and become a state alchemist."

"What's so bad about becoming a state alchemist," Al inquired.

"Well, it's just that, for the longest time, I only wanted what's best for Kelsea. But she's so determined to become a state alchemist for her dad, that i just gave in," a hint of sadness was detected in Sally's voice, "I just hope she knows what she's doing."

"Don't worry, we'll teach her everything we know," Ed nodded, "After all, I'm also a state alchemist."

Sally nodded in relief, "Ok, but i don't want her becoming too involved. One day she could get seriously hurt."

"Mmhmm..." Ed replied.

"Kelsea, there are some people here who i think you'll be interested in," Sally shouted as they all entered the house.

"Who is it," she asked as she rounded the corner and stopped. Jaw dropped and all, "You're the Elric brothers, aren't you?"

"Yup, that's us," Al laughed a little.

"Oh my gosh, why me? Out of all people, why me?"

Ed didn't know what just came over him but it was the best feeling in the world. The moment he saw Kelsea round the corner, he felt his heart beat faster and faster. What was so special about her that made him feel this way? Could this be...love, he thought.

"Kelsea? I have to get back to my job or I'll get fired. You take care of our guests, ok, and I'll be back soon," Sally said, and left.

"Okay, mom," she turned to Edward, "I've read all about you. You two are well known throughout this town," she smiled which made Ed's heart beat faster.

"Say, why don't we discuss more about alchemy over dinner tomorrow night," Ed finally got the guts to say something, that wasn't stupid, to a girl.

"Yeah, I'd like that. But I want to get started right away, as soon as possible," she blushed a bit.
__________________________________________________ _________
"Curse?!" Al exclaimed, as they all sat around the table.

"Yeah, my grandpa was killed by our family curse," Kelsea responded, grabbing glasses from the pantry.

"What kind of curse are we talking about here," Ed inquired.

"Well, after my grandpa studied about five years of alchemy, he died, just like that," she paused, then went on, "Same thing with my dad, and," Kelsea lowered her head, "And with my brother, but he died in a battle against the Ishbalins. That's what my mom told me."

Ed leaned back in his chair, "I'm sorry to hear that. So, why are you becoming an alchemist? Aren't you scared that you'll die too?"

"Nah, I'm not afraid of dying that much, I just want to break the curse and fulfill my grandpa's, father's, and brother's dream," Kelsea declared, carefully placing the glasses of water on the table.

Edward found that quite brave coming from a girl, then he relaxed and said, "Well, your not going to die whilst I am here to protect you."

"Thanks, but I think that I can take care of myself on this one," Kelsea requested, "Besides, I'm a girl. I don't know if the curse even works on the girls of the family. So I saw fit to try it out."

"Yeah, well, just in case, I want to make sure that you are safe," Ed was stuck to protecting Kelsea.

"The main reason why I am studying alchemy is because I've been trying to find ways to bring my brother back," she clenched her fists as tears formed in her eyes.

Ed suddenly spit back the water he had just drank.

"What?! Kelsea, using human transmutation is only for the professional alchemists. We know from experience." Al lowered his head.

"You mean, you tried using alchemy to bring someone back too?" A look of shock grew on her face.

"Yes. A long time ago. We thought that we had all the contents of the human body. Then we tried the experiment out, and all went wrong. But back then, we didn't understand the concept of the equivalent exchange that well yet," Ed explained everything that had happened that one dreadful night.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry," Kelsea covered her mouth with her hands.

"Yeah. And that's why Al is the way he is. His soul is now sealed inside because of what we did. As for me, I had my arm and leg ripped clear off. That's why I have automail," he revealed his metal arm and leg, "And I don't think that you want to make the same mistake we did. So promise me that you won't try human transmutation."

Kelsea's eyes started swelling with tears but refused to allow them to flow. She nodded without uttering a word.

"Okay, now that that's clear, is there anyone else in town who is also in to alchemy," Ed asked, on a more possitive note.

"Actually, everyone else is against the usage of alchemy. They think it's some kind of curse," she replied.

"Well did you tell them that it's not," Al exclaimed.

Kelsea shrugged her shoulders, "Yeah, I've tried plenty of times, just no one would believe me."

"Do you use alchemy anyway," Al asked.

"Of course, but I just don't let anyone catch me doing it."

As time flew by, the clock finally chimed twelve in the morning.

"Well, I got a big day tomorrow, I'd best be going to bed. Oh yeah, by the way, we have an extra guest bedroom if you'd like to spend the night," Kelsea smiled, as Ed blushed a bit.

"Yeah, ok. Sure," he grinned.
__________________________________________________ _____________

Just when Kelsea was about to go to sleep, suddenly, without warning, an explosion erupted on the south side of town.
"What the..." She turned on the lights and pulled the covers off. She heard running footsteps coming from outside her bedroom door. She knew that Ed and Al were still awake. Kelsea threw on a coat and headed over to the livingroom, "What's going on?"
"They found us," Ed lowered his head.
"Who found you?"
"Uh, well, we didn't exactly tell you everything that happened," Al scratched his head.
"A few weeks ago, Al and I fled from the military in search of the Philosopher's Stone so we can get our bodies back to the way they were. But, apparently, once a dog of the military, always a dog of the military. There is no escape and they will hunt you down and slaughter every village in search of you." The ground shook as Ed spoke.
"So why don't you turn yourselves in before this whole town is completely ransacked," Kelsea exclaimed.
"We...can't. You won't understand-" Ed started.
"What I understand is that my town is going to be torn down unless I do something about it," she ran out the door, tears streaming down her face.
"Kelsea, stop. Come back! What are you doing," Al said but she was already long gone.
"We have to follow her," Ed clenched his fists and lowered his head.
"But, brother-" Al was distracted by a massive explosion a few blocks away.
"C'mon, let's go," Ed took off but Al was still hesitant, "Let's go, Al!"
"But what about the Philosopher's Stone and what's going to happen if they-"
"It doesn't matter right now, Al. Kelsea's right, we can't only think about ourselves all the time. There are people who are dying because of us and I'm sorry, but I can't let that happen."
Al nodded and the both of them ran to Kelsea's aid.

"What are you doing," Kelsea exclaimed, "Why are you doing this to this town? What did we ever do to you?"
Colonel Mustang held out his hand, signaling the other generals to hold their fire. He smiled as he walked over to Kelsea.
She stood there, fists clenched, pissed off as hell. Even though her mind was telling her to get the hell out of there, she knew she couldn't.
"Relax. We're actually looking for someone," Mustang whipped out a picture of the two boys she had just met, "A state alchemist and a suit of armor."
Kelsea stared at the picture for a long while, "No. I'm sorry, but I can't help you."
A moment later, she found herself being strangled by the general, "I know you're lying! Tell me where they are before I kill you, just like I did your grandfather, your father, and your brother," the colonel's grip got tighter around her neck.
Thoughts and memories raced across her mind as her eyes swelled up with tears, once again.
"Let her go! We're the one's you want," Ed leaped out of no where with Al by his side.
Colonel Mustang forcefully threw Kelsea forward. She crashed to the ground which knocked her half unconscience. She tried to move her right arm, but it appeared to be broken.

"Kelsea! Are you hurt," Al knelt down beside her to help her up.
"Yeah, but I'll be fine. Don't worry," Kelsea admitted.
"He's got nothing to do with you," Ed exclaimed.

"He killed my brother. It was no curse. He's the one who killed them! So he is my business whether you like it or not," Kelsea shouted, tears blinding her.

"So, Mustang, how does it feel? Being a murderer and all," Ed questioned.

[Mina-chan]

(continuation...)

"It's true," Colonel Mustang's voice sounded cold, "I did kill them, but i don't kill unless I have a damn good reason to."
"Oh yeah? And what damn good reason might that be? They were only assisting the Rockbell's in helping the wounded in the Ishbal Rebellion! You killed them, as well! Didn't you," Kelsea cried, tears streaming down her face.
"What? How do you know the Rockbell's," Al asked in ashtonishment.
"Long story, I'll tell you later."
"I killed them on accident! I killed your family because they got in the way," Mustang recalled that fateful night.
"They got in the way?! That's your damn good reason," Kelsea interrogated, while trying so hard to contain herself, but failed. She clapped her hands together as a lightning bolt formed at the palm of her hand. She aimed it right at the colonel and fired. He dodged it and snapped his fingers. The lightning bolt suddenly disappeared.
"So i see you're an alchemist too, as well as Ed. No transmutation circle, impressive," he said, casually.
Kelsea clapped her hands to the ground and blue sparks shot up. A spear arose from the dirt and soil. She gripped it tight and lunged it at Mustang.
He snapped his fingers again and an invisible force field formed infront of him.
"Kelsea, don't do it," Ed yelled from a far, " You're never gunna defeat him!"
Too late. Kelsea was too determined to kill him. Nothing could stop her now. She ran and made a beeline for the colonel. She lifted up the spear in an intension to strike, but, instead she collided into the force field that was protecting the colonel.
Kelsea smashed to the ground once again, landing on the same arm that she had already broken.
"Dammit," she gasped, grasping her right arm, "How do you do it?"
"Foolish child. I'm amazed at how much power is kept hidden inside a shrimp like you," Colonel Mustang remarked.
"Don't call me short," Kelsea shot back at him, she clapped her hands together, but before she was able to place them on the ground, Ed had already done so. His alchemic blue sparks erupted from the ground and, this time, Mustang was struck.
Kelsea spun around and Ed had already stepped infront of her, "Al, take her somewhere safe and away from here!"
"Right," he nodded and scooped up Kelsea in his arms.

[Mina-chan]

if anyone wants to give it a critique so far, your welcome to. =]

[Mina-chan]

BUMP!! lol

[Mina-chan]

Almost done writing... it'll be posted soon!

[Serin]

I'll give you the Critique you asked for. I did like it, as far as I saw, but some things about it turned me off.

Like, post one, you said her arm was broken, but moments later she was using it again.

You're trailing too far from the known characters, like for instance, Ed using the term "whilst". The basic character Edward Elric, would never say whilst. What he would have said would have been more laid back, like "I ain't gonna let you die." *smirk, thumbs up*... Mustang, you made him to... Evil, he wouldn't just attack a civilian without direct orders. I don't see him just up and strangling a child...

And my last problem, Clap Transmutation. To be able to do that, she would have had to attempt Human Alchemy already. If she has, and you're getting to that, then this is invalid, but if not, then thats a bit of a plot hole.

Even with these errors, I still found it alright. And don't stop writing it because of my negative points, I really wanna read this fight between Ed and Mustang, haven't had a good one of those since the episode where they faught. So yeah, good work otherwise.