Long-distance relationships

[Henageshi]

Who else has em?

My boyfriend just left for college. Soon I'll be gone too. Then we'll start our long distance relationship. (okay.. only an hour away. That's still further than where we used to live!!)

For those who have them, God bless you. And major props to you.

[soundcage]

I was in the Army for six years, so a chunk of my marriage was a long distance relationship. It was hell, but love always seems to prevail in the end.

[Chris Nagy]

Sometimes it works, alot of the time it doesn't. Long distance is a hell of a strain on a relationship, but the fact that it started as an actual, face to face relationship is a really big point in your favour.

[La Sailor Luna]

Well my sister has or had a long distance realationship for a year, but now they live together, but still they made it for a year. And you and your boyfriend only live an hour away from each other so you should make it. Good luck though with all you do. :-P

[Hawkeye_GGK]

My beloved lives in Los Angeles, California and I live in Central Florida. Now, we're not technically "Dating" yet because of the distance but we have known each other over a year now and we've been "Intimate" for about 7 months now. I've flown out to visit her a few times this year and, on September 6th, I'll be driving to the airport Orlando International to pick her up and move her in with me in Our new apartment on the river.

All relationships are the same at their core though. You get out of it what you put into it and if you put the time and effort into making it something special, you'll get something beautiful in return. If you do nothing and just barely notice it, regardless of distance, it's likely to dissapate to nothing.

Life's all kinds of awesome like that.

[Rasha]

Well, it depends on what kind of people you are.

I mean, an hour is not bad at all! I live in the Chicago suburbs and sometimes it takes 45+ minutes to go see my parents and they're only a few suburbs away (like. .. 15 miles maybe. . .lol!). Seriously, if it's only an hour, you'll be able to see each other no problem!

But for me, my long distance relationship (me in Chicago. . .him in Wisconsin 4 hours away) did not fair so well. He was really nice, but I was constantly taking care of him every time I went up there. . .and he needed someone around to take care of him all the time (he had some hard times with money for a while. . .I ended up GIVING him my old car), Anyway, it was me that ended it because I'm the type that needs someone ALL the time. And that sounds selfish, but I'm incomplete without my partner by my side. I live with my new BF now (2 and a half years now) and I couldn't be happier. . .we are there for each other all the time and never get sick of each other's company. It makes me feel whole to have him by me like this.

But, everyone's different. Most of my girlfriends (and his guy friends) can't believe how much time we spend together. . .they think it's sick, but we genuinely LOVE being around each other! Most people like they're "alone time" or believe "absence makes the heart grow fonder". . .some people would love the break from each other. . .it's just not us.

[Cefaclor]

My friend has been married, has a family, has friggin brothers "online". How the heck does that work? WTF?! XD

Shes crazy.

I also remember her telling me that her "online" husband got extremely obsessed wiht her and wanted her to go online constantly.. so she divorced him XD.

I repeat, shes hillarious.

[Saren]

All relationships are the same at their core though. You get out of it what you put into it and if you put the time and effort into making it something special, you'll get something beautiful in return. If you do nothing and just barely notice it, regardless of distance, it's likely to dissapate to nothing.

Agreed. In my experience with being in a long-distance my-boyfriend-is-in-college relationship, don't underestimate the impact of little things, like sending each other mix cds and random emails sent in the middle of the day and leaving messages on the answering machine. And handwritten letters (writing them is good for passing the time in boring classes!) Regular phone calls are nice too, especially if they're not expensively long-distance. If they are, I suggest stocking up on those cheap phone cards they sell in gas stations and/or letting people know that phone cards what you want for Christmas/birthdays/etc.
Since you're only an hour away, it shouldn't be too hard to visit once or twice, too. In our case, I was finally able to visit in April (wouldn't recommend waiting til then) and so he was able to recall vivid memories of me more easily in that environment, and I got to meet his friends and see the campus and that helped me feel less "left out" of his life there.
Good luck.

[Aurianna]

I met my boyfriend in college, halfway through my sophomore year. We were together for 3 months before the summer hit, and then at the start of junior year, he went off to Germany to study abroad. Then he just got back this month, and we're still together. :) We've been together 18 months and only spent 3 of them in the same place, and only 6 of them on the same continent. :)

For some people it works. With us, my junior year was very stressful and I was glad I had more time to focus on school work, but still knew that I had someone out there who cared for me. And I'm also glad that he got out there and got to experience Germany and meet new people.

AIM chat is a wonderful thing. If you have a microphone, you can talk on AIM just like the phone. If one or both of you have webcams, then you can see each other while you talk to. Emails, online greetings, snail-mail letters and packages were enough for us.

Sometimes, it just depends what you're looking for in a relationship, though. If you need to be physical or go on lots of dates with a person, it just doesn't fly. If there's any trust issues at all, a long distance relationship usually finds a way to fail on it's own (whether the partner should be trusted or not).

I have no idea what I'm saying here. I should go to bed.

Be good!

[Cheshire]

I almost-maybe-kinda-sorta had one?
X3

Meh, he lived in England, me in the U.S. We talked for a good while, and there was mutual attraction, but we just sorta...lost contact, I guess. Haven't talked in about a few months, I guess.

I do have several close friends who I know only through the internet, though.

[EggDropSoup]

Yeah, I had a boyfriend that lived right next to me for a year or two. I had to move later on and than he had to move away too. All of a sudden, he was even farther away from me than where he used to be. This caused us to be a fourteen hour drive away from each other. XD

I understand. It’s hard to be away from the one you love.

The fact that you can’t hug, touch, or talk to him in person like you used to, makes you feel limited and frustrated with the resources that you do have. But even though you’re not close enough to call him and say “Lets go on a date today,” at the drop of a hat, you can still arrange to meet him on weekends or even holidays. Plus, phone calls and occasional love letter writing, should make things a bit easier.

Don’t worry! As long as you love him and are true to your feelings, I’m sure you guys will be fine. Who, knows? Maybe your boyfriend is feeling the same anxieties about this too. If that’s the case you should speak with him about it and tell him how you feel. Communication about your feelings makes the whole thing a lot better in the long run.

Wishing you well,
EDS

[cabbagemcgee]

when i moved to england from america, i kept going out with my girlfriend at the time. we were both only like, 17, though. needless to say it didn't last longer than a week and a bit. had we both been the age i am now, maybe it would've lasted.

it's been my understanding though, that it can work as long as you are both giving eachother enough love. if one of you starts to get bored, the other will take this badly and as soon as someone attractive who isn't an hour away from you says something flirtacious to you, suddenly your description of your relationship will be "well.. not too good. he's been really cold..."

i think we generally notice stuff that "could" be better when things get a bit unstable. if you keep things stable, then this shouldn't happen, presumably.

don't forget, you're young, pretty and have a long life ahead of you. if you're having doubts as to the relationship lasting just because you're an hour away, then maybe you're not sure about the relationship at all, and the distance thing is just turning out to be a good excuse. think carefully about it and decide if you like being with a boyfriend, or if you love being with your boyfriend.

[Henageshi]

Definitly the second one. ^^

[cabbagemcgee]

Definitly the second one. ^^

well then there you go. you'll be fine. now go eat his face off. :mattcruea:mattcruea:mattcruea:mattcruea:mattcruea :mattcruea

[truth]

Who else has em?

My boyfriend just left for college. Soon I'll be gone too. Then we'll start our long distance relationship. (okay.. only an hour away. That's still further than where we used to live!!)

For those who have them, God bless you. And major props to you.So why are you with him? For sex? If so this is not a true relationship but bondage...

[Nikki Wright]

So why are you with him? For sex? If so this is not a true relationship but bondage...
I'm dying to know how you could draw such a conclusion from her first post.. O.o

[Tom]

I'm dying to know how you could draw such a conclusion from her first post.. O.o

Me, too! :E

[truth]

I'm dying to know how you could draw such a conclusion from her first post.. O.oIt doesn't take much to stop asking for sympathy and manipulation and directly look at the truth. If the child gives you the puppy dog lip, recognize he's acting like a dog.

[Nikki Wright]

It doesn't take much to stop asking for sympathy and manipulation and directly look at the truth. If the child gives you the puppy dog lip, recognize he's acting like a dog.
You don't know one damn thing about her. Who are you to make such assumptions? She posed a question, asking who else was in long distance relationships and their thoughts on it all because she recently entered one herself. That does NOT mean that she is using her boyfriend for sex, and you, sir, are quite incorrect to pass that judgement on her.

Edit: I've already deleted one of your threads as it is bound to incite drama. I certainly hope that's not all you're here for.

[Matt Alan]

It doesn't take much to stop asking for sympathy and manipulation and directly look at the truth. If the child gives you the puppy dog lip, recognize he's acting like a dog.

Who the hell are you to judge their relationship like that? Not once did Henageshi mention sex, nor would she.

[truth]

Who the hell are you to judge their relationship like that? Not once did Henageshi mention sex, nor would she.That is why I asked but if you people would stop acting emotionally for one second and living the melodramatic lifestyle, perhaps we could have a real discussion? She asked for advice and now you want me to stop? Are you in a relationship for sex? Why are reacting so defensively to an accusation I never made?

Reading her post it is absolutely a possibility to draw a conclusion that somebody who has lost interest in a relationship over a 1 hour distance is going from withdrawal from sex. I did not judge her, when did I condemn her? Did you condemn her? If so that is rude...and destructive.

When did I deny living for sex? I myself am overcoming homosexual tendencies because I realize that is not the life to pursue, it will not bring permanent happiness. Why is it that I cannot offer advice and ask very relevant questions? Are they too taboo for you? Why was my last thread deleted?

Is it possible you hate me because I come to help? And, who am I? I am certainly not you, I can make my own choices. But for clarification purposes, I do reiterate that I did not condemn her.

[Nikki Wright]

That is why I asked but if you people would stop acting emotionally for one second and living the melodramatic lifestyle, perhaps we could have a real discussion? She asked for advice and now you want me to stop? Are you in a relationship for sex? Why are reacting so defensively to an accusation I never made?

Reading her post it is absolutely a possibility to draw a conclusion that somebody who has lost interest in a relationship over a 1 hour distance is going from withdrawal from sex. I did not judge her, when did I condemn her? Did you condemn her? If so that is rude...and destructive.

When did I deny living for sex? I myself am overcoming homosexual tendencies because I realize that is not the life to pursue, it will not bring permanent happiness. Why is it that I cannot offer advice and ask very relevant questions? Are they too taboo for you? Why was my last thread deleted?

Is it possible you hate me because I come to help?
Because you DID. You suggested that she was disappointed about her longdistance relationship because she would be deprived of sex. That IS an accusation, don't dance circles around this.

You did not offer advice, you asked a question, accusing her of desiring only sex, when she herself is holding off on having sexual relations with a person, something you would know, if you've been around the board for longer than an hour.

You are not here to help, it seems to me that you're here to troll. I've browsed through your posts and you seem to have something absolutely negative to say about most things, almost about to start fights. If that's what you're here for, I wouldnt' count on being here for too long. Help is only as good as the help that is asked for and sought after. There was nothing to do with sex in this post and for you to assume that is beyond wrong.

I'd like to not close this thread, so let's get back on topic, which is: Are you, or are you not, in a long distance relationship?

Personally, I am in one. It has it's hard times, because he lives in Europe, so the days and time differences can be frustrating for talking purposes, but.. I'm confident in the end it will be worth all the wait and struggle.

[truth]

You know, you are being rude. You moderate a public forum, a person posts a thread about her relationship, then you forbid me the right to discuss a relevant issue in a relationship, which is sex. I did offer advice, someone else said that if she doesn't want to be with a person over a meesly 1 hour distance, then she must be looking for an excuse out of it.

Why is it so tabboo to go further and discuss what the real issue is? I did not demand she tell me, I asked a tiny question and then gave the response regarding it if it is yes. Whether or not it applies to her is her business, not yours. You have very little evidence that I am here to troll.

I posted a thread regarding God being love and you deleted it, as if it is hateful? If you will but psychoanalyze yourself, for yourself, perhaps you will ask the question, "Why did I remove a thread that was discussing the positive aspect of God and then call it trolling?"
Someone else posting a thread saying God hates homosexuals, why can't I post a thread about God being love?


If your emotions say you must ban me, then do as you choose, but before you will, please answer the one question regarding why you think a thread about love is trolling, and that will be sufficient to me, at least you will let out some facets of your own flawed judgment.

[Nikki Wright]

You know, you are being rude. You moderate a public forum, a person posts a thread about her relationship, then you forbid me the right to discuss a relevant issue in a relationship, which is sex. I did offer advice, someone else said that if she doesn't want to be with a person over a meesly 1 hour distance, then she must be looking for an excuse out of it.

Why is it so tabboo to go further and discuss what the real issue is? I did not demand she tell me, I asked a tiny question and then gave the response regarding it if it is yes. Whether or not it applies to her is her business, not yours. You have very little evidence that I am here to troll.

I posted a thread regarding God being love and you deleted it, as if it is hateful? If you will but psychoanalyze yourself, for yourself, perhaps you will ask the question, "Why did I remove a thread that was discussing the positive aspect of God and then call it trolling?"
Someone else posting a thread saying God hates homosexuals, why can't I post a thread about God being love?


If your emotions say you must ban me, then do as you choose, but before you will, please answer the one question regarding why you think a thread about love is trolling, and that will be sufficient to me, at least you will let out some facets of your own flawed judgment.The thread was about a website called "godhatesfags." You challenged people's beliefs, and I believe the word "Stupid" was involved. THAT was going to incite drama, so it was deleted. So was another rather unnecessarily rude post of yours.

The real issue is NOT sex, and I'll thank you to stop saying that it is so, as it is not. If the real issue were sex, I'm sure she would have mentioned something about it in the topic. You're wrong.

END of discussion.

[Chris Nagy]

Is there even an issue? She's just started a long-distance relationship, and they don't run into immediate problems usually. I didn't even see a hint of a problem, and I tend to be cynical of ld-relationships these days.

Truth doesn't seem to realize (though he might and is just doing this for kicks) that insinuating that someone is in a relationship only for sex (asking a question and then immediately answering it instead of waiting for the real answer makes that insinuation perfectly clear) can be extremely insulting. Frankly, I'm surprised someone who made a thread about God's love would assume something so base of other people, but that's a ball of wax I don't want to get into. Still for all this, I think a tag is warranted.

On topic, though, I've found myself at war with my own desires to keep out of a long distance relationship. I've been burned more than a few times and, like the unfortunately-human being that I am, I find myself drawn to the flame once more. Perhaps I am just masochistic?

[Mindychan]

LDRs certainly won't work for everyone, but trust and communication are the most basic and important issues during an LDR. Of course, they're important in a relationship, period, but extremely important when you're far away from each other.

My husband and I are living proof that LDRs can succeed. He lived in England and I resided in the US. We have been married for 3 years now ^^ It was tough with the distance, but we overcame it. Now, nothing seems impossible.

[Tom]

Truth, you said:


Reading her post it is absolutely a possibility to draw a conclusion that somebody who has lost interest in a relationship over a 1 hour distance is going from withdrawal from sex. I did not judge her, when did I condemn her? Did you condemn her? If so that is rude...and destructive.

And this is what Hanageshi said:


Who else has em?

My boyfriend just left for college. Soon I'll be gone too. Then we'll start our long distance relationship. (okay.. only an hour away. That's still further than where we used to live!!)

For those who have them, God bless you. And major props to you.

I don't see her saying anything about losing interest in the relationship. I don't even see her asking for advice. The only thing I see is a thread opener about long-distance relationships.

If you want to give her some advice anyway, that's fine. But all you've done is condemn her relationship based on facts that you pulled out of the air. And besides that--even if her relationship was only about the sex, that would be her prerogative. Just because you assign such high standards and morals to sex doesn't mean she does or has to.

[Henageshi]

Truth- To answer your question, no. I am not in this relationship for sex. As a matter of fact, I've never even HAD sex. I don't need that in my relationship to show love OR feel loved. I found it quite rude for you to ask such a personal question like when it wasn't really any of your business to begin with. This thread what not meant to be about my (or anybody's) sex life, it's where people who are in long distance relationships express their feelings and emotions behind it.

And I NEVER said that I was losing interest because of the 1 hour distance. WHERE THE HELL did you get that? You ask all these questions and automatically just MAKE up your own answer without even hearing the real one.

And don't get so pissed off that people are correcting you. They are trying to tell you that your comment was out of line and that was uncalled for, which it was. By looking through most of your negativity filled posts, it seems like you just always want to start a fight or some other kind of unessecary drama. Two words..

Grow up.

[Holy Crap!]

Stop feeding the trolls please.

They'll only get bigger and stronger and more trolly.

And now, without reading the rest of the thread here's my advice: Short and long-distance relationships both have ups and downs. The key to both is not doing something you'll regret later.

One fine example is the number of college kids who start dating someone from another college, transfer to that college, break-up, and are totally screwed. So, yeah. THE END.

[Amanda]

My personal experience with long-distance relationships.
I thought I was getting serious with a boy from NY over the internet.(which was on my part, a bit of a mistake. I was only 13 when we met) Now, 14, almost fifteen, we decided it was unfair to me (since he is now a senior in high school and I a little fresh(wo)man, lol, that I should have high school time to date, and actually have a high school life. He's already been through high school, and has his chance. So, we decided if we were still keeping in touch with one another, once I would graduate high school, we would see if it could work again.

And no matter how mature I think I am now, there's no denying I'll mature even more so over the years, and I may change my mind or be dating someone else "seriously". I don't shake my head in dissapointment at those who sustain long-distance relationships--I say, "well, good for you. But make sure you're HAPPY and SATISFIED with that kind of relationship", because that's the only way it can work.

[Henageshi]

It's really all cool. I don't need any apologies, I just wanted to make it clear that I'm not in a relationship for sex. Which I think I did.

So... it's all good. ^^

[Coffeeman]

I won't lie and say that I haven't had long-distance relationships.

And I won't lie and say that they worked out any better than my actual relationship/s!

But on the whole...

Some of us may feel as though they are talking to the real person by bypassing the visual element... But at the same time, there's always that level of unease. What's more, there's just no way to be anywhere near as intimate with a long distance partner. With a close partner, you have a lot greater choices of activities, and also, you spend more time doing different things. My experiences with long distance have been quite... In a way, boring, really. Simply because there's nothing to do but "talk."

[Henageshi]

Absence makes the heart grow fonder though. ^^

[Coffeeman]

However, there's only so much that can be said.

Of course, it's not without merit; if one of my long-distances hadn't come to see me, then she might not have left me for my best friend the next day :P

Guess I have a bad perspective on it.

Still... I think that while absence can make you think more about the person, or intensify your feelings towards them because of the amount of time you can spend together...

By the same regard, I feel that you also build yourself up for a fall, because you put your other half on a pedestal, because you do so little together. You don't have to put up with any annoying tiks or bad habits, like you have to do with close relationships.

[Celira]

Hm. Absence is said to make the heart fonder, but in truth, there's been more evidence that close proximity and continuous exposure to people builds stronger relationships rather than vice-versa.

Of course, though, I know many examples of successful long-distance relationships, and truly-- I can't speak out of experience, never having ever been a part of a romantic relationship in my life. But I was close to being one-half of a failed LDR. Just my scientific-statistics two cents. :P

Personally, I'm of the opinion that if you put enough effort, compromise, and love into something- and if you really want it- then anything is possible. Cheers!

[SonicFrontier]

My girlfriend will be leaving for Germany once she graduates. It's something I really don't want to or enjoy thinking about. Things have been going really nice and it's going to suck when she goes back home to Germany. I'll still have another year of high school after she graduates and goes home. So, I won't be able to move to Germany and she most likely won't be able to come back to America. So, we'll have to wait till I turn 18 and graduate, continue talking to each other and see each other during the summer vacation.

If we can't get past this then it wasn't meant to be, but if we can get by it then we'll know that we'll be able to make it. That is my current situation and my future long distance relationship...