hyperknees91 commercial reel draft.

[hyperknees91]

So yeah...never tried doing one of these before, but they say practice makes perfect eep!

http://www.box.com/s/i8fpspq33pf51bhua01g

Any criticism is greatly appreciated~

[JCx]

Ooh nice job with your first commercial demo reel! Your voice is great for certain commercial spots. I reaaaaally liked the last one for cancer - I thought that was the strongest performance in your reel!

I thought you felt a bit too stiff rather than comfortable and friendly for the bank commercial, especially when you mention the word "friendly" but seemed to maintain a "business-only" tone (though you did sound trustworthy I'd say!). Your performance would be even more powerful if you talked with a bit more ease and less...straight-up-formal to further push the bank's main advantage that they're advertising, which is personal attention and friendliness. I think your slightly staccato speech when trying to articulate everything might've attributed to its less-friendly feel.

Hm...I think the Jack Bauer spot might be more of a promo rather than a commercial xD I tend to hear things like that in a promo reel more rather than a commercial reel. Nice job on it though!
I thought the steak house performance felt a bit forced and not as effective as it could've been, so it was forgettable compared to the other stronger performances. A bit of a pity since it was the one commercial that had more characterization in this reel x'D Not bad by itself, but I would've liked to have heard more emphasis or different pacing on "there's only one steak sauce: A1..." if anything.

Overall quite good for a first go! It might just be me, but it feels like there's a tad bit of "life" lacking when I think of the reel as a whole though. My main suggestion would be to try to give yourself more performance elbow-room with deliveries and characterizations and shape them to more fully complement what you're selling. It'll help make your performances more riveting; every section of your reel will feel "fresh" and just wow the listener every time.

Hope to hear more 8D

[Seymour]

For a first time doing a commercial demo, My goodness this can be dressed to impress :D

Some notes I would make is picking a few shorter ad scripts to use, some drag out just a bit, but some others sell well, notably the steak sauce line and the cancer care, I felt compelled to look into it more after the deliveries, and that's key to an ad. :) I also felt some voices used were a bit similar in delivery and tone, in the beginning and middle, it's not too drastic for a commercial demo, but since it's a bit longer than most, I think a few things can be taken out.

So just some cutting and pruning, and you got yourself a great start on commercial work~

[Damaru]

Yay you're doing stuff again! 8D I think you're best at doing gentle, hospital-y commercials like the last one. I want you to do a commercial that features me as I'm dying. xDD

I think you're lacking a bit energy on the first one and over-enunciated a bit that it sounded unnatural (ex. "modern and ee-fish-ent"), so putting less emphasis on that a bit more can eliminate those awkward breaks between words that disrupt the flow of the commercial. Other than that, I think this is pretty decent for a first commercial demo~