Dotted~ Radio Drama

[CiaraUotani]

Here are the episodes so far... More to come :)

EPISODE 1


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVKacGNdQ0c


EPISODE 2


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVKacGNdQ0c


EPISODE 3


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXBEdiQUYbo

EPISODE 4


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBxkNQVock4

EPISODE 5


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NExXfqOuSU

EPISODE 6


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rA3PIiJlew

[incorrectbox]

People should watch this. Ima just saying! :)

[MeroMeroSaharade]

This is really cool! 8D Good job everyone!!

[incorrectbox]

This is really cool! 8D Good job everyone!!

Thank you so much! I'm really glad you enjoyed it! :) We all worked really hard! Ciara-chan is an amazing writer! :D

[CiaraUotani]

Thanks for the kind feedback. I've updated this thread for the new episode as well, episode 3 is now available.

[MeroMeroSaharade]

bump for ciara chan~

[CiaraUotani]

bump for ciara chan~

Thanks MeroMero!!

I'm hoping Dotted will get a little recognition. If you want to follow us, we now have a facebook page :D

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Dotted-Radio-Drama/180364685382744

[XTREEMMAK]

Hey there,

Ran into you on the Facebook group and said I'd give you a detailed critique so....here it is :D Hope you don't take anything personal here as I don't intend it to be. With that, lets get started!

Before I begin, I should let you know I only took a listen to Episode 1, 3, and 5, just so I get the general idea of how the RP is progressing. I have not listened to any of your productions before so I'm reviewing this as a complete first time listener (lol).

Lets start with the pros. In general all the actors did an excellent job, but I simply love Taylor Carlson's portrayal of Elise. In general the roll just fits her. She shows just enough emotion of an annoyed high school girl tied between two worlds, sounding ... generally real for the most part. There were a couple of places that I thought was a little cleaver and it did make me laugh. Rob Darren (played by Rob Belen ....significance? Coincidence? lol) is another character I favor. The uncertain yet strangely confident execution of his voice alone has kept me intrigued about him. This is probably why he gets all the fan girls (commence hate now >:( lmao).

The story isn't the most original but it's not cliche. In fact I rather enjoyed this vision of a love story. While some lines could have been executed better and maybe made just a tad more transparent, the writing did what it was supposed to do for the most part. I can generally see the love bond from Rob and Elise growing as each episode passes, and I am curious to what the larger conflict will be as the story progresses. Will someone move away? Will the mother get in the way (more)? Maybe there's a dark side we aren't aware of regarding both Rob and Elise? Or maybe *gasp* Dot the famous persona get's in there way and we have a larger psychological dilemma between Elise, Dot, and Rob? Or maybe Elise slowly begins to realize that Rob isn't falling in love with Elise at all, but *snickers* Dot? Hmmmm omoshiroi >:)

The general music selection was fitting, but I'd be careful with the audio you use so it doesn't get flagged by YouTube. Try looking into some royalty free repositories or music with a usable limited license. That way, you wont get into any trouble :). This will also keep your views up, making it easier to build credibility. It's also makes the work time safe.

Now for the cons. Regarding Episode 1, the links that were on the original post (above) are now outdated and have been flagged from YouTUBE. To add, the new links I did find on the recent post on the Facebook post was working, but Episode 1 cuts out midway so unfortunately, I wasn't able to finish listening to it all the way :(.

Looking at the structural arrangement of 1,3, and 5, It works but I believe more could have been added. For example, a frequent thing I've seen wrong ina couple of RP's I've listened to, is movement seems to happen when the scene calls for it rather than naturally all the time. In my opinion this is a no-no. What I expect when I hear a radio play is an experience and I'm sure that's what you want too. If that is the case, why limit the movement of our characters in scenes to just a couple of scenes? What I commonly say in my reviews is either the characters move or they don't. Either it's a narrated audio production, or it's a dramatic audio experience that we're immersing ourselves into. Allow the characters to walk to class. Let them go back and fourth between the set and the chair. Have them move or wiggle a chair...Of course all of this movement within reason most definitely. No one cares that someone is walking all the way to the store (or cares enough to hear that many footsteps), but we do care that she's going or moving there and since we don't have a visual representation, you need to help us as much as possible with what we're listening to. I guess in short, tell the story without any dialog and see if you can generally get what's going on.

You do use ambiance but some instances could have been executed better than others. Granted, you did improve since Episode 1 with providing better samples in Episode 5. I believe the way these ambient samples were utilized could have been better and in turn would have helped with some of the transitions (as you will see below), and more could have been used (such as home ambient nuances instead of just dialogue).

Looking at the mix on all, they were generally ok, but they needed a bit more work. At one point, the audio is flowing nicely, and then I get attacked by a line pushed to the ceiling of the mix. Even if the line is being yelled, let the LINE yell not the track; keep the dialogue performance spectrum as even as possible by automating the line, or using a compressor. On other cases such as Episode 5, the dialogue audio seemed to be lower than the previous episodes. This is fine just as long as the audio everywhere else is consistent. Towards the end of episode 5, it started to become a bit more difficult to hear some of the lines.

Scene transitions could have also been a bit better. You have improved however since Episode 1 and 3 I will say.

What I was going to say before listening to episode 5 (though might still hold some relevance) is that I find it common in most RP's to abruptly cut the music audio into a new scene (Episode 1 on yours). What I think will work better is to allow the audio to die gradually, pause, and begin the next scene. This puts more time on the clock, but it does allow the listener to breath on a note set by the previous scene. It also eliminates the possibility of click and pop from abrupt stops in audio. What I will say is that some of the fades or transitions could have been a little longer, had more emphasis, or just generally been a little cleaner. For example, on Episode 5 where the agents are getting out of the car, I think the car door should have been a little louder for that transition since there was nothing else to let us know that we are going to begin building action. Another example is when they escape the agent after punching him in the face; the transition wasn't clean as the audio stops, and comes back in again with the ambient audio a couple of times before finally "officially" starting the scene. A simple cross fade would have been the simple fix here.

The Last example is the transition from the movies to the park. What I think would have helped here is if you added more nuances for entering the movie theater before fading out the ambiance, and then fading in the park ambiance (louder) before starting the vocals. That way there's no chance of getting lost when the scene starts.

Next is panning. When you did utilize some movement nuances like footsteps, you didn't use much panning to get a sense of direction and movement. It felt like the steps were happening in place instead of on a stare well or on the park sidewalk. With caution, I'd experiment more with panning. What was taught to me is that unless you're talking about a music mix, nothing should be entirely in the center of the mix. There are of course exceptions to this rule, but even with solo voice work, there's nothing wrong with veering the pan a little to the right or left. Like I said, experiment.

Some of the samples used could have been better as in some cases they vary in quality. More could have also been added to help with the sense of movement, and sense of action. Prime example is when Nick punched the Agent in the face; didn't really see that happen.

The acting was great for the most part, but the mother I think sticks out a little too much for my liking. At first I gave her a chance thinking she'd build a believable character as time went on, but after listening to Episode 5, she just doesn't work for me as an authoritative and pushy mother; she feels more like a pushy friend. It also doesn't help that her vocal tone is very close to her daughters. Even with that closeness in tone, a couple of the line executions felt more read than acted. I didn't feel enough of the aggression and anger in her voice to really care or even see her as a person. When I hear that she spent a lot of time booking a job, I wan't to feel like I know because I was "handing her the paper work". Her portrayal just seemed more like directions rather than directions with a point behind it.

Mic quality was overall good and from what I remember, I didn't hear too much distortion. Mic quality seemed to have improved since Episode 1 though. I would still tell the male talent to turn down their mic gain just a hair. This way on there louder lines they wont distort. To get that volume back, all you'd need to do is compress and automate. If you need a little help with compression, just let me know. Don't forget that when you do this though, it might also be a good idea to noise gate.

That about sums everything up. Overall, not a bad production by any means. I think there are a couple places that could be cleaned up for the next episode, and I do think you're on to something great. You have my interest certainly and would love to hear how this story turns out.

Take care!

P.S.

GANBATE!

[CiaraUotani]

Thank you so much for your review!! I will take everything into account, and I hope to improve the episodes for future enjoyment. This is my first radio play, so I am very new with this.

If you have any further comments about future episodes, please let me know what I can do to improve!

I'm glad you have enjoyed the story thus far at least

[CiaraUotani]

Bumping Thread!! Please critique us and let us know how we can improve :)

[aqua_dolphin]

Hey XTREEMMAK
I was wondering how you gain a lot a knowledge to form precise reviews? I'm new to listening to original audio drama/play and I want to find some way to prove good review to make 'Dotted' a better radio drama.

[aqua_dolphin]

I would like to say how you improve alot with the side effect in episode 3 like screaming girl fans and the fading of Dot's steps. I'm stilling working on what to say about episode 5 but I haven't listened to episode 6 so no spoilers :)