[IP] A l t e r e d - M i n d s e t (The Radioplay) - Episode Two [NEW!]

[Cydonia]

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Prologue

>>Stream//Download<< (http://www.box.net/shared/p5897uenrs)
Runtime 6:01


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYj2_ftmJKM


Episode One


>>Stream//Download<< (http://www.box.net/shared/9xcl8l3nln)
Runtime 11:35

WARNING: This radioplay does contain violence and swearing, so a 13+ rating is advised!

Mixing by Cydonia
Scripting by Cydonia
Music - Outlands - Tron Legacy OST // FreePlayMusic // Map of the Problematique - Muse
SFX - SoundSnap thanks to TriPredRavage's crazy skills. X3

Episode Two - NEW!

>>Stream//Download<< (http://www.box.net/shared/13mcnapfkg)
Runtime 11:29

WARNING: This radioplay does contain violence and swearing, so a 13+ rating is advised!

Mixing by Cydonia
Scripting by Cydonia
Music - Sold Your Soul & Beyond Me - Wolf's Rain OST & Liberation Begins - 127 Hours OST
SFX - SoundSnap thanks to TriPredRavage's crazy skills. X3

[BloodRedOath]

Wowzers. We've got some talented people here don't we? This gave me goosebumps. I really don't know what else to say lol. I'm very pleasantly surprised at the quality of this (Don't take offense to that, I didn't think it'd be shit, but I just wasn't thinking about it much xD). Sooo...yeah. I wanna see more. Yep.

Seriously though, I'm really glad I'm in this <3

[ichigoxcupcakes]

One word to say.
AMAZING. OH MY GWAD.
OAO;

This was really, REALLY well done. To be honest, I have NOTHING to critique, except that I WANT more.
Fin~~ <3

[IsacCrimson]

Holy balls you guys, all I can say is wow. I need more of this, and (on an irrelevant sidenote) I'd love to be a part of it *flail flail*.

[TriPredRavage]

This was REALLY good. Being that it's a trailer, I'm not going to go super overboard with a critique here.

First off, the mixing I thought was excellent. Great SFX and leveling of everything. Really impressive. The Tron music really played well to the drama of the trailer. Very well done.

The cast I was thorougly impressed. I was a little worried at first when I saw the cast had CountAbyss, BloodRedOath, and me just because I tend to think the three of us can sound very similar at times, but I thought we all sounded greatly different and I wasn't confused at all. I really thought the entire cast gave top notch performances. I thought there may have been an awkward line here or there just because of the broken nature of a trailer like this, but it wasn't anything that wouldn't be ironed out in an actual full chapter.

I really can't wait for this project to get underway. Let's keep it up, guys!

[Sukisho]

This was really good. That's all. ^^

[rebelcheese]

Pretty intense preview, I like it. ^^

Real review comes with the first episode.

[Bryson Baugus]

this was intense! Can't wait to listen to the finished project!

[TheCheetoBandito]

Yeeeeeaaaah this is cooking up to be something special alright! :D When can we expect to start recording actual episodes? :P

[Cydonia]

Yeeeeeaaaah this is cooking up to be something special alright! :D When can we expect to start recording actual episodes? :P
I SHOULD have the script for the first chapter done by the end of the month! I don't want to rush it though so it isn't sloppy. X3 I took forever scripting the prologue/trailer, so... Being careful and patient with it was clearly the best way to go since so many people seem to have enjoyed this! I'm honestly dumbfounded by all the great feedback this has received, especially since it's my first radioplay! I've wanted to create a radioplay for moooooonths and months, so I'm just really happy and excited that this is so promising! My cast are fantastic, and they were absolute stars with the deadline! The deadline for lines was yesterday, and I managed to have this out the next day which is.... bloody hell, an achievement for me! X3

Thank you all so much for the great feedback! You're giving me so much motivation to keep on going with this project! <333 Of course, more comments are welcomed! X3

[Adam]

Hurray for more high quality original works! XD

For a prologue/trailer it is simply astonishing. The talent is amazing and it seems like it's going to be a very deep and good project.

I was hoping these lines were from the actual episode which would mean the first episode would be close by, but alas that's not the case. No choice but to patiently wait ^^.

Looking forward to more!

[Cydonia]

I was hoping these lines were from the actual episode which would mean the first episode would be close by, but alas that's not the case.

Or is it? ;3

Thank you so much for listening, Adam! I'm glad you enjoyed it! <3

[Cydonia]

We have episode one! <3

[Bree]

Another awesome job, well done! I could really get a complete grasp of what was happening, and the characters all seemed very distinct and alive.
The toe bit was my favorite part XD Hysterical!
You definitely have a knack for writing, Holly, and your mixing is superb as well! All the actors in this are phenomenal as well! My one nitpick would be that the gunshots sounded a bit like echo-y footsteps to me at first, but that's just me.
Can't wait for more!

-Bree

[TriPredRavage]

I'll do a critique probably tomorrow. But... I think BRO is my favorite character. XD

[Bryson Baugus]

I was OBVIOUSLY the best in this WHOLE thing! hahah I jk xD

but yeah, this is one of my favorite radioplays on here! looking forward to avidly listening to this

[Damaru]

You have a knack for writing, and writing quite well in a manner that truly engages the audience. The mixing was very clean and crisp. I agree with Bree though, the gunshots did sound more like echoey footsteps or fireworks than anything. Still, overall the production is a very solid piece of work.

As for the cast... Each character has a very distinct personality, and every actor really brings out the richness in their voices; everything from their texture and tone to their acting choices fit seamlessly with the character they were inteded to portray. Ahhh... *gurgles* I also love the character interactions. Like, LOVE. The tension between the first group of characters, and the chill banter with Russell and Ash. This made it a cohesive yet rocky group dynamic. I didn't feel lost with the story either; it is a fairly straightforward concept with many interesting facets and conventions that make it easy and enjoyable to listen to.

You came out with the first chapter pretty quickly--I hope it's the same with the other chapters! :3 Keep it up.

[Adam]

Well, I was going to keep working on things. But now I guess I have to download this and give a listen. Distractions...

Edit: Distraction worth it as expectated XD! Very well done, I'll give a better review later but it was just written very well. The mixing and the acting from everyone was great. Looking forward to more!

[Cydonia]

Thank you for all of your comments so far, guys! I'm so glad you all enjoyed it! <3 I was really nervous about releasing this... I was a zombie yesterday because I was doing nothing but mixing this. XD I guess being a zombie for a day works!

[mizura]

I..don’t have much more to say than “wow”.
Lovin’ this so far. Great cast + story + mixing = <3 First time hearing a lot of this cast and boy does it show how much talent this place has gathered over the years~
More plz. ;O

[dragonknighttara]

Yay! So glad to see this up already - Congrats Cydonia!

Voices: Gan Xingba and TriPred, I really think you both were strongest in this episode and added a really nice dynamic and energy to the dialogue in the main scene. BloodRedOath, I'm not as familiar with your voice and had a little trouble telling you apart from GanXingba at times, but what I definitely could identify as you was very strong as well and you had some great reactions. Count Abyss, you had a fun voice for this character and good energy, but I think at times you talked too quickly that your enunciation began to slip and I missed some of what you were saying. I think this is a good place for you, but I would watch for that in future. Mizura, you had a really cool, very boyish tone to your voice in this that I really liked and it was a very nice contrast to Cydonia. Melanie, I think, was almost a little too breathy and even intense for some of the scene though and I would almost recommend pulling back, if even just a bit, so that you have more range for expression as the story progresses (I'm assuming they're probably going to be in worse straights yet). But again, it's a very good contrast to Scarlet and I'm interesting to see what you'll do with the character as the story progresses. Bryson and CheetoBandito I would like to hear more of you, but it sounded good so far.

As a general note on voices however, the scenes in general were remarkably well paced and the conversation seemed very natural. All of you blended well and the interactions were well mixed and acted, so total kudos there all round =D

Writing: I think this is a good start for a pilot. Cydonia, you seem like you know what's going on in the world you've created and I actually really like that you jumped further into the story - that's usually a good way of avoiding tedious exposition and helps the pacing speed up. On the other hand, I would focus on developing and distinguishing Scarlet, Adam, and Nick soon as they're characters seemed less identifiable in this first episode. This will make them easier to relate to and understand in the next episodes I hope. My only other note was occasionally some of the dialogue used some larger or clumsier words I wouldn't necessarily expect from modern teens that just felt out of place when they did occur. There weren't too many, but just a few I would watch out for in future. Otherwise, I think this was a very strong start for the series.

Mixing: My biggest note here would be that I'd love to hear more ambiance to help distinguish scene from scene and increase a feeling of realism. For example, maybe some nighttime city noises - vehicles, wind, etc - for when the kids are running towards the end, or very distant city nighttime noises just ever so slightly noticeable when they're in the apartment might fill the sound out more and really give a good sense of atmosphere. That can be contrasted later with how quiet I'm assuming the hospital or institution or wherever the kids are going next, or even the sounds of the subway as they run in that direction just to indicate that the scenery is changing by more then just what the dialogue implies.

Another suggestion might be to incorporate or anticipate movement during longer conversations so that way the scenes are a little more active when the characters are talking for long stretches of time. This can be as simple as cloth rustling when standing or a few footsteps as someone paces, but are little tricks to help fill out the scene as well.

To your credit, Cydonia, the mic qualities and levels seemed really even so it was easy to hear the characters and there wasn't much discrepancy. I'm not completely sure who it was, but I do recall someone moving during some of the softer lines as sort of background mic noise that you may want to look for in future, but it wasn't too bad to really detract from that scene either.

Overall, really nice first episode here - good cliffhanger for the next part too. I'm looking forward to seeing more of this and congrats again for getting this out so quickly!

[Jordan]

Very nice! I thought everyone had pretty solid performances that matched their characters. The gunshots sounded a little like fireworks (like that hasn't already been said) and the walkie-talkie voice was a little loud, but other than those two nitpicks the mixing was pretty good. Can't wait to hear more!

[IsacCrimson]

Duuuuudes. Awesome. This is honestly the best thing I've ever gotten out of the VAA.

[Zankoku no Yami]

Voice Talent: top notch, top notch! Each one is so different than the last~ and I love how each person is able to make their respected character unique in their own way! Some people could have used a bit more noise reduction, or watch for pops.

Mixing: Pretty solid. The only thing I would add is a bit more music. Especially since its a radioplay, it seems to help when nothing is going on but conversations. It also helps hide the noise in some lines, haha. But aside from that; nice choice of SFX and placement!

Overall: So far, this project is quite interesting! I am looking forward to seeing where it goes from here~

[Gan Xingba]

This was really fun to listen to. I think you paced it quite well, especially. One of the great things about radioplays is that there's no predetermined length and you really took advantage of it to keep things moving along without getting rushed. Nice job.

Pretty much all the nitpicks I'd have were touched upon -- mostly by dragonknighttara, that was pretty thorough. I'd just be repeating a lot of what she said.

With the gunshots thing (sorry to keep bringing it up), I'm guessing you found some "distant" gunshots that ended up being really distant gunshots. Get far enough away, and gunshots do end up sounding like fireworks a little. They're both small gunpowder explosions after all. For ones right outside a building, you might be better off taking standard gunshots and muffling them while turning down the volume and maybe adding a little echo or something to create your own "distance." It's a pain in the butt, but sometimes it's easier to edit existing sound effects to suit your specific purposes than look for the exact right one on the internet. Just my two cents on it.

[Cydonia]

I'm so glad that all of you are enjoying this so far! Thank you so much for all of your comments! <3 All I can really say about the lack of ambience and whatnot is... nothing. X3 You'll just have to wait for episode two. Whee! ;)
The gunshots sucked. Oh well. SoundSnap label their stuff wrong, clearly...

[rebelcheese]

I've got like a zillion gunshots if you want 'em.

Anyway, I think a couple of instances could have used some BGM of some kind, not necessarily overdramatic Yuki Kajiura-esque stuff, but something that supports the material nicely. A little more ambiance would've been nice too.

The voices and dialogue were on the money, though. Great work all around in that department.

I'm basically going to wind up repeating what others have said already otherwise. But yeah, this is a great, promising start.

[Cydonia]

Episode two is out! <3 Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

[Adam]

Came out very good. I'll leave a more in-depth review when I get home.

[Damaru]

"Don't die playing the hero. It's f**kin' cliche." Awww shhhiiiittt.

I'm glad you have such an amazing pace with this! Mizura really stood out this time for me, so kudos! I think you guys really took in the advice and critiques, which is totally awesome. I can see wonderful growth already. :3

I love this radioplay. *mouth foam*

[Gan Xingba]

Good stuff. The production quality is only continuing to improve as it goes on, it seems. Same with the voice acting. Count’s definitely slurring less, for example, and I like how you’ve tweaked your voice for Melanie, Cydonia. Taking out some of the breathiness has helped it feel more natural and improved your delivery a lot. In general just a lot to enjoy about these performances. Mizura did an excellent job with those pained lines and I can’t decide whether TriPred or Tara won that smugness contest. Solid showing from Cheeto, Bryson and B.R.O. as well. No real weaknesses in the whole thing. Keep it comin’.

[Cydonia]

Thanks for the feedback so far, guys! I'm so glad that you are enjoying it! <3 I know a lot of people were anticipating the second episode, so I'm surprised that there haven't been any more comments/critiques, so I'd really appreciate more feedback! :3

[rebelcheese]

I think this episode was a tiny bit harder to follow than the first. The dialogue lines are closer together, creating a rapid-fire effect that doesn't sound natural in conversation unless there's a heated argument or something. Try to split the lines slightly further apart to try to achieve a more natural effect. The SFX also felt a bit sparse but as this was mostly a talking episode I don't think it's that big of a deal.

The story's still intriguing and the acting's great, but the dialogue would be more memorable if the lines were better positioned.

[Cydonia]

Some people are saying the pacing is better, whilst others are saying it's a little bit too fast. O_o But okay, I guess we're all different when it comes to using our ears. XD I'll take that into account for the next episode. Thanks for listening though, rebelcheese, I really do appreciate your input.
It'll be a wait for episode three. I have a trip planned, but I'll probably script out some ideas on my flight. I wouldn't expect episode three until the end of April or so.

[Cydonia]

Gonna give this a bit of a bump! :3

[Seymour]

Finally listened to it all, and quite frankly, this entire project is just. plain. awesome :)
Everyone portrayed their roles quite well, the emotion sounded so real, and honestly it painted a disturbing, yet beautiful image in my head.
Cydonia and your cast, I applaud you all for a wondrous performance, and I wait with anticipation for the next episode :D

[aqua_dolphin]

Cool a radio play I haven't notice. I going to check it out ^_^