AndrewGilmore
06-07-2005, 09:33 PM
I have written a script for a comedy series which I hope to broadcast on Arcadia University's radio station when I attend there in the fall. As fellow amateur voice actors, I would like to hear what your vocal talents could do for my script.
Cast list:
Narrator
Audition lines:
"The following episode of 'Shun the Punman' is a load of complete crap. Following it will probably be something comparatively interesting."
"Will this show ever make any sense? Tune in to the next episode of 'Shun the Punman' and find out!"
Phineas J. McShnook- the "hero"- irritable, foul-mouthed and not very bright
Audition lines:
"You were eating breakfast? Wasn't your brother upset that you were using his trough?"
"What?! Why the hell should I give you three hundred dollars?"
"What the hell are you talking about?"
Dan Kipper- Phineas' friend. A cynical jerk who purports to be a philosopher.
Audition lines:
"Don't change the subject without changing the predicate first!"
"Don't repeat what I say, that's copyright infringement!"
Lawyer (1 line)
Audition line:
"Irving Leachman came by and told me he discovered a treasure map, copyright 2005 by Dan Kipper Inc."
Irish Policeman
Audition lines:
"All right, come along!"
"Aw, that's what they all say!"
3 men (1 line each)
Audition Lines:
"Oh, yes, I certainly said it."/"Yeah, me too."/"Hell yeah, I said it."
Cuthbert J. Robinson- pompous literature professor
Audition Lines:
"I am Cuthbert J. Robinson, professor of apology at the Freedom, Unity, Caring and Knowledge University/"
"Colleagues! This man does not speak Greek!"
6 to 8 Professors
Audition Line:
"He WHAT?!"
Cockney Professor
Audition Lines:
"Er, do you speak Latin, then?"
"Ha! You can't even pronounce the names of European languages correctly!"
Charles Boggle- Con man claiming to be a swimming instructor
Audition Lines:
“I can teach you how to swim in ten easy lessons.”
“I know, and you still owe me three hundred dollars for those lessons.”
Announcer- Typically obnoxious radio/TV announcer
Audition Lines:
“Friends, are you tired of being stranded in the middle of the ocean, no food, no water?”
“All right, all right, fine! Always some twit coming in here and interrupting me in the middle of a commercial, goddamn it!”
Other Announcers (1 line each)
Audition Line:
“And now, back to our show.”
Farmer
Audition Lines:
“Ya know, when I’ve been out in the fields all day, plowin’ the fields and threshin’ the corn, well, that’s hard work.”
”I came all the way from Bangor to do this here commercial, and I’ll be damned if I ain’t gonna do it!”
Irving McGregor- president of the Scottish Society for the Prevention of Exploding Announcers
Audition Lines:
“Stop that! Stop that explodin’ of the announcers the noo!”
“My dear lad, why do ye think corporations are foonded? I’ll tell ya why. To prevent people frae havin’ fun.”
Irate Frenchman
Audition lines:
“Do you not care about ze economic prosperity of ze French people?”
“No, I said ‘au revoir’ and jumped into a river. It’s a visual pun, you see.”
Gwyn Enstyn- President of the Welsh Anti-Scotsman club
Audition lines:
“I’m just stopping by to express my appreciation of your blowing up Scotsmen, you see.”
“What have you got against the Welsh, you racist Irish bastard, bach?”
Patrick McGinty- Secretary of the Treasury for the Irish Anti-Welshmen Club
Audition Lines:
“Sure, and what have you got against the Scots, ya racist Welsh bastard?”
“Ya know, come to think of it, Scots is the only Celtic language that’s really all that sensible.”
Stereotypical Chinaman
Audition line:
“Oh no, not rearry, we just rike making fun of foreigners.”
Stereotypical Italian
Audition Line:
“Yeah, at’s-a right, you tell ‘em, a-Chang.”
I would prefer auditions to be in MP3 or WAV format. My e-mail is SIMPFANN@aol.com. There is no deadline for this project yet, but I would prefer to recieve auditions at least by the end of the month.
Cast list:
Narrator
Audition lines:
"The following episode of 'Shun the Punman' is a load of complete crap. Following it will probably be something comparatively interesting."
"Will this show ever make any sense? Tune in to the next episode of 'Shun the Punman' and find out!"
Phineas J. McShnook- the "hero"- irritable, foul-mouthed and not very bright
Audition lines:
"You were eating breakfast? Wasn't your brother upset that you were using his trough?"
"What?! Why the hell should I give you three hundred dollars?"
"What the hell are you talking about?"
Dan Kipper- Phineas' friend. A cynical jerk who purports to be a philosopher.
Audition lines:
"Don't change the subject without changing the predicate first!"
"Don't repeat what I say, that's copyright infringement!"
Lawyer (1 line)
Audition line:
"Irving Leachman came by and told me he discovered a treasure map, copyright 2005 by Dan Kipper Inc."
Irish Policeman
Audition lines:
"All right, come along!"
"Aw, that's what they all say!"
3 men (1 line each)
Audition Lines:
"Oh, yes, I certainly said it."/"Yeah, me too."/"Hell yeah, I said it."
Cuthbert J. Robinson- pompous literature professor
Audition Lines:
"I am Cuthbert J. Robinson, professor of apology at the Freedom, Unity, Caring and Knowledge University/"
"Colleagues! This man does not speak Greek!"
6 to 8 Professors
Audition Line:
"He WHAT?!"
Cockney Professor
Audition Lines:
"Er, do you speak Latin, then?"
"Ha! You can't even pronounce the names of European languages correctly!"
Charles Boggle- Con man claiming to be a swimming instructor
Audition Lines:
“I can teach you how to swim in ten easy lessons.”
“I know, and you still owe me three hundred dollars for those lessons.”
Announcer- Typically obnoxious radio/TV announcer
Audition Lines:
“Friends, are you tired of being stranded in the middle of the ocean, no food, no water?”
“All right, all right, fine! Always some twit coming in here and interrupting me in the middle of a commercial, goddamn it!”
Other Announcers (1 line each)
Audition Line:
“And now, back to our show.”
Farmer
Audition Lines:
“Ya know, when I’ve been out in the fields all day, plowin’ the fields and threshin’ the corn, well, that’s hard work.”
”I came all the way from Bangor to do this here commercial, and I’ll be damned if I ain’t gonna do it!”
Irving McGregor- president of the Scottish Society for the Prevention of Exploding Announcers
Audition Lines:
“Stop that! Stop that explodin’ of the announcers the noo!”
“My dear lad, why do ye think corporations are foonded? I’ll tell ya why. To prevent people frae havin’ fun.”
Irate Frenchman
Audition lines:
“Do you not care about ze economic prosperity of ze French people?”
“No, I said ‘au revoir’ and jumped into a river. It’s a visual pun, you see.”
Gwyn Enstyn- President of the Welsh Anti-Scotsman club
Audition lines:
“I’m just stopping by to express my appreciation of your blowing up Scotsmen, you see.”
“What have you got against the Welsh, you racist Irish bastard, bach?”
Patrick McGinty- Secretary of the Treasury for the Irish Anti-Welshmen Club
Audition Lines:
“Sure, and what have you got against the Scots, ya racist Welsh bastard?”
“Ya know, come to think of it, Scots is the only Celtic language that’s really all that sensible.”
Stereotypical Chinaman
Audition line:
“Oh no, not rearry, we just rike making fun of foreigners.”
Stereotypical Italian
Audition Line:
“Yeah, at’s-a right, you tell ‘em, a-Chang.”
I would prefer auditions to be in MP3 or WAV format. My e-mail is SIMPFANN@aol.com. There is no deadline for this project yet, but I would prefer to recieve auditions at least by the end of the month.