Conclusive, Irrefutable Evidence That Canada Really Sucks

[Matt Cruea]

http://www.cbc.ca/greatest/

The Greatest Canadians list. I'll run through all of them. The list, by the way, has ten hockey players. This means that 10% of Canada's greatest figures were hockey players. What a pathetic excuse for a country.

1 through 10


Tommy Douglas
Socialist asshole

Terry Fox
Some kind of cancer patient or something who ran across Canada. Woop-dee-fucking doo.

Pierre Elliot Trudeau
Infamous in the US for calling Babe Ruth "Baby Ruth." Also, hated in Alberta. Good work, Alberta.

Sir Frederick Banting
Invented artificial insulin. He deserves this.

David Suzuki
Some kind of Jap.

Lester B. Pearson
Another socialist asshole.

Don Cherry
Hosts a hockey analysis TV show!

Sir John A. MacDonald
Scottish!

Alexander Graham Bell
Another Scotchman (yes, I'm using the archaic form), but he died a US citizen in America.

Wayne Gretzky
Greatest hockey player ever. Note HOCKEY PLAYER! Think those of us south of the 49th would ever put a sports figure in the top ten? Not a chance (sorry, MJ).


11 through 100

Louis Riel
Executed for various rebellions. Good job?

Jean Vanier
Like to help retards, later moved to France.

Stompin' Tom Connors
Mediocre country artist.

Neil Young
Gives an annual concert to help farmers! Seriously, though, he's a great artist. But number 14?

Peter Gzowski
Some sort of...radio commentator?

General Romea Dallaire
Tried to warn UN of genocide in Rwanda. UN did nothing. Genocide: 1. Dallaire: 0.

Stephen Lewis
Sanctimonious AIDS activist. I wish he'd get AIDS.

Shania Twain
Skank.

Bobby Orr
Another hockey player.

Mike Meyers
Short comedian.

Unknown Soldier
Apparently, Canada has such a lackluster history that it had to nominate an anonymous corpse.

Harold Rogers
Started some sort of Rotary Club spinoff.

Maurice "Rocket" Richard
Yet another hockey player.

General Sir Arthur Currie
Appointed commander of the Canadian Corps by the British during the Great War.

Nellie McClung
Cranky bitch who tried to ban alcohol.

Dr. Norman Bethune
Communist doctor.

Celine Deion
EVIL.

General Sir Isaac Brock
Brilliant general who likely saved Upper Canada from US conquest during the War of 1812.
Bastard...

Jim Carrey
He starred in the Cable Guy. Wasn't that a great movie guys?

Rick Hansen
Circled the world in a wheelchair! Wheeeee!!!

Pierre Berton
Historian of Canadian history. Judging by this list so far, that's an awful job.

Michael J. Fox
Bad actor with Parkinson's Disease.

Gordon Lightfoot
Folk singer banned from the US due a cocaine problem.

Hal Anderson
A Winnipeg radio personality. Seriously Canada, how much do you guys suck?

Laura Secord
Warned the British of planned American attack in 1812. Bitch.

Ernie Coombs
Hosted a children's program.

Tecumseh
An Indian who helped Canada in the War of 1812. His tribe was later wiped out.

Mario Lemieux
Hockey player.

Bret Hart
Five time WWF champion!!!!!!

Avril Lavigne
Terrible faux-punk "artist".

John Candy
Star of such hillarious films as...

Sir Sandford Fleming
Thanks to him, Canada's national animal is the beaver.

Sir Wilfrid Laurier
You got me.

Mary Maxwell
One of those Bahai fuckups.

Jean Chretien
Lying politician who broke more promises than the last ten Presidents combined.

Leonard Cohen
Terrible singer.

John Diefenbaker
Some kind of populist jerk.

Billy Bishop
Outstanding World War I aviator, and the top allied ace of that conflict with 72 kills.

William Lyon MacKenzie King
"Introduced the idea of the welfare state..."
Asshole.

Rick Mercer
The Al Franken of Canada or something.

Pamela Anderson
Your country sucks incalculable amounts.

Craig Kielburger
Founded Free the Childen at age 12.

Gordie Howe
Hockey player.

Sir William Stephenson
Apparently invented a way to transmit photographs around the world. Also head of British intelligence operations during WW2. Not bad.

Glenn Gould
Oddball "musician".

Will Shatner
Khan!!

Lucy Maud Montgomery
Mediocre author who got lucky (Anne of Green Gables).

Paul Henderson
Hockey player.

Tim Horton
Hockey player.

Stan Rogers
Lackluster folk singer.

Sir William Edmond Logan
Helped map Canada.

Marshall McLuhan
Coined the term "global village". Simply amazing.

Roberta Bondar
Went to space. On an American spacecraft.

Brian Mulroney
Introduced unpopular GST tax.

Burton Cummings
Part of The Guess Who, a shitty Canadian "rock" band.

Sheila Fraser
Stupid bitch.

Patrick Roy
Hockey player.

Jean Beliveau
Owned the Montreal Canadiens. I guess you could call him the George Steinbrenner of Canada. Hooray!

Rene Levesque
Quebec seperatist. Basically, a cranky frog.

James Naismith
Invented basketball.

Margaret Atwood
Overrated novelist.

Anne Cools
Black politician.

David Thompson
Geographer.

Emily Murphy
First female magistrate in the British Empire.

Sarah McLachlan
Awful "artist".

John McCrae
Wrote a famous poem.

Dr. Charles Best
Worked for Banting.

Robert Munsch
Best-selling children's author.

Ed Belfour
Hockey player.

Chief Dan George
Minor actor, played Indians (because he was an Indian). Once nominated for an Oscar.

Sandra Schmirler
Greatest female curler ever. Yes, that's right. A curler made the list. God, Canada sucks.

Dan Aykroyd
Annoying comedian.

Elijah Harper
Hated white people.

Kurt Browning
Figure skater.

Emily Carr
Bad painter.

Mike Weir
Golfer.

Dr. Henry Morgentaler
Dedicated his life to making abortion legal...

Farley Mowat
Ecofaggot.

Donovan Bailey
Outstanding sprinter who managed to temporarily unseat US dominance in the 100 meters. US now dominant again.

Bryan Adams
Mediocre 80s rocker.

Preston Manning
The Canadian Ross Perot, but more dedicated to politics and far less interesting.

John Molson
Beer!

Joni Mitchell
Abysmal singer.

Anne Murray
Terrible singer.

Lord Stanley of Preston
Established the Stanley Cup, Canada's sole reason for life.

Geddy Lee
Creepy but talented prog-rocker.

Louise Arbor
Boring UN human rights activist.

Mordecai Richler
Halfwitted jewish comedian.

Sam Steele
A policeman.

J.S. Woodsworth
Obscure pacifist.



What a shitty country. : P

[Cailey]

OMG!!! What's with that list? I thought the top ten was ridiculous enough but after looking at the rest...WOW! But Canada doesn't suck!

[Chinomi]

I personally voted for Alexander Graham Bell O_o

Mr. Rozdeba thought Terry Fox was gonna win.

[Matt Alan]

I'm all for Bret Hart. >_>

[Tsubasa-no-kami]

do you have a (&$*%)#$%^) problem with hockey players or something?

man i know you're allllll about causing ppls feathers to be ruffled. so got get a laff cause it worked on me. canada isnt a bad place. in fact its quite nice. i dont understand why as americans we have to look down on it. so they have hockey 24/7 whoohoo! the candian jokes are OLD.. very.. very OLD!

[Danae]

O.o I've actually never really heard of anyone looking down on Canada. Besides all the hoser jokes and hockey stuff, all I ever here is

"LETS MOVE TO CANADA! ESCAPE BUSH AND SMOKE POT! WOOOOO!"

...all I can really say is that, uh, Canadian chicks are hot?

[shadowsvoice]

I swear Cruea is going to be a politician.

[Matt Cruea]

I'm not a republican.

I'm a Demomatt. Or maybe a Republicruea.

[hideko_dahlia]

Hey!! Celine Deion is my 9th cousin! .......... yes my family came from Canada. Leave me alone.

[danyata]

Avril Lavigne is Canadian?

That explains a lot.

[Kei]

as much as i want to disagree.... i cant... i lost all my canadian pride :twisted:

[Autumn]

*punches the air* CANADA POWER!!! *cough* JAPAN POWER TOO!! *cough*

[Matt Cruea]

*punches the air* CANADA POWER!!! *cough* JAPAN POWER TOO!! *cough*

You are neither from Canada nor Japan.

[Matt Alan]

I swear Cruea is going to be a politician.

Imagine Matt Cruea as president.

...

Scary. XD

[Crimson]

Pierre Elliot Trudeau
Infamous in the US for calling Babe Ruth "Baby Ruth." Also, hated in Alberta. Good work, Alberta. I think they only hated him, 'cause he publicly gave them the finger XP;


David Suzuki
Some kind of Jap. Who doesn't love David Suzuki? :D


Sir Wilfrid Laurier
You got me. He should have ranked HIGHER.


Laura Secord
Warned the British of planned American attack in 1812. Bitch. We only voted for her 'cause her name sells chocolate now XD;


Tim Horton
Hockey player. He's a HOCKEY player? O_O; Where did the donuts come from....?


Mike Weir
Golfer. Hahaha... no comment x.x

[Autumn]

*punches the air* CANADA POWER!!! *cough* JAPAN POWER TOO!! *cough*

You are neither from Canada nor Japan.

I fail to see your point. It's not wrong to admire other countries beside your own.... that's why I do. ^-^

[Matt Cruea]

But why did you even mention Japan? That makes no sense.

[MelAnna]

Hmph. I guess they plum forgot to put me on that list XP I'll have to talk to.. Canada... about that XD

Canada rocks Matty, now go poo :(

[Velvy]

In Canada's defense...

I've always wanted to try poutine.

Also, America ain't that great either. ...I never liked it. Canada's national animal is the beaver. Is the stupid eagle who craps on peoples' heads that much better in comparison?

Apparantly Canada IS a great place for people who are fond of moose and bacon. Then again, those people... well, I'm done defending Canada.

[Matt Cruea]

In Canada's defense...

I've always wanted to try poutine.

Also, America ain't that great either. ...I never liked it. Canada's national animal is the beaver. Is the stupid eagle who craps on peoples' heads that much better in comparison?

Apparantly Canada IS a great place for people who are fond of moose and bacon. Then again, those people... well, I'm done defending Canada.

The American Eagle has a flag attached to him at all times that stands for freedom, gives him superstrength, and allows him to shoot laser eyes.

Also, those who know fear burn at the American Bald Eagle's touch.

NONE OF YOU GET THAT REFERENCE.

[Lucien]

If you spell Canada with an H, you get Hanada. It's true.

[Matt Cruea]

Hanada sounds like a place we would bomb in Japan for no reason.

Right, Ann Coulter?

[Stray]

I'm gonna refuse to be a patriot here.

[Matt Cruea]

http://www.dec.state.ny.us/website/education/beaver.gif



GO SHINING CRITTER OF TOMORROW

JESUS.